Ballet, Rock & Roll & the Angel on My Wall

5–7 minutes

Caption: AI-generated idealised version of a painting I did on my bedroom wall at 14, inspired by Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven artwork. Sadly, no photo exists of this minor teenage ‘masterpiece.’ This rendering is inspiring me to get back to the drawing board with watercolour and coloured pencils eventually… maybe. 🤔


There’s a lady who’s sure all that glitters is gold…

At twelve, I was still immersed in the world of ballet, my hair tied back in a neat ponytail or flowing loose down to the middle of my back, I wore long flowing skirts and dreamt of the ghostly figure of Nijinsky—a man who seemed to hover between reality and the spirit world. He was everything I admired: ethereal talent, physical perfection, and a tragic genius that burned too brightly to last. Back then, I lived for the delicate beauty of ballet, captivated by its fragility and grace and my aspirations to one day reach perfection.

But that summer of 1981 which marked my twelfth birthday, everything shifted. That’s when I heard Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven for the first time (click on the link to listen). The opening notes, with that gentle recorder flute duet, felt like a doorway opening to another realm, and by the time the song ended, I wasn’t the same. It wasn’t just the music; it was something visceral, a physical pull that consumed me. Every note, every quaver in Robert Plant’s voice, felt like a secret being whispered to my soul. It was too intense to listen to often after that, but when I do, it sends me spiraling into a kind of ecstasy that borders on a manic high.

The lyrics were prophetic, though I didn’t fully understand them then, and I still don’t understand them now. They were about a lady buying a stairway to heaven, perhaps thinking money would bring her joy in the afterlife. It felt significant then, like it held a message for me. I never could articulate it, but hearing this song for the first time marked a turning point—a departure from the fragile world of ballet into something darker and more chaotic. Something I was not equipped for, no matter how mature I was for my age.

Later, in another city and another house, I painted the Led Zeppelin angel on my bedroom wall. Inspired by the band’s artwork, which was itself based on William Rimmer’s 19th-century painting Evening (The Fall of Day), the angel represented a kind of rebellion. My ballerina-themed room, with its pale pink and grey walls, was transformed with this first instance of rock imagery. The angel was huge, wings outstretched, a figure of both grace and power. Sadly, no photos of it exist, but the memory of painting it remains vivid—a declaration that I was no longer that young and innocent girl in ballet slippers.

By age fourteen, I’d fully transitioned out of the world of ballet, yet its echoes remained. My love for Nijinsky, the Ballets Russes, and the ethereal beauty of dance hadn’t disappeared—it had merely been overshadowed by my infatuation with heavy metal. But I didn’t fully belong to either world. Ballet was too rigid for my free spirit, and the rock scene too wild for my introspective nature. I was always in between, caught in the in-between space where the angel on my wall seemed to reside.

Years later, I saw a modern ballet performance called Requiem by Les Grands Ballets Canadiens. I went with high expectations, hoping to rekindle some of that old magic. Instead, I found myself deeply disappointed. The performance was drab, the dancers crouching and shuffling, their movements seemed to me to be devoid of the grace and beauty I’d always associated with ballet. It was a stark contrast to the ethereal world I’d once worshipped. I almost walked out, disillusioned and saddened by what ballet had become in its modern iteration.

Still, the power of Stairway to Heaven remains. Even now, when I hear it, I’m transported back to that summer of my twelfth birthday, to the moment when I first felt the pull of something greater than myself. The angel on the wall, Nijinsky, the song—they’re all pieces of a puzzle I’ve spent my life trying to fit together. And maybe, just maybe, they’ll find their place in my story yet.

Invisible Wings and the Flight of Madness

Nijinsky was a legend in his day, known for his gravity-defying leaps. Audience members swore they saw him hang in the air, as though he had invisible wings. He embodied perfection and something transcendent, like a divine being temporarily bound to earth. Those leaps mirrored the way Stairway to Heaven makes me feel—as though I’m flying, weightless, untethered from reality.

The guitar solo in Stairway hits me like a bolt of lightning every time. Jimmy Page’s playing isn’t just music; it’s a direct line to something unexplainable. It makes me want to fly. It’s a visceral, physical reaction—an ecstatic moment that is frightening in its intensity.

I’ve always felt like I existed between two worlds, never quite belonging to either. The perfection of ballet, with its rigid discipline and ethereal grace, felt just out of reach, while the raw, chaotic energy of rock was too wild for my introspective nature. But the angel—that angel I painted—was a bridge. It was both fragile and powerful, a reflection of my own inner world.

The recorder duet in at the beginning of Stairway ties it all together, echoing the music appreciation classes I loved as a child. The delicate, haunting notes of the recorder feel like whispers from another time, another place—a reminder of the ballet studio, and of my first steps into a world where art could transcend reality.

The Lyrics and Their Prophecy

“There’s a lady who’s sure all that glitters is gold…” That line always struck me as profoundly sad. The lady is chasing fool’s gold, believing in a dream that may not deliver. The lyrics, with their layered meanings, felt like a prophecy—a warning, perhaps, about the paths we choose and the illusions we cling to. To me, they mirrored my own journey, my constant search for something beyond the mundane, even if it meant losing myself along the way.

Ultimately, Stairway to Heaven isn’t just a song. It’s a portal to another dimension, a map of the unknown, and the other side of the mirror. It reflects the longing, the ecstasy, and the madness of trying to find meaning in a world that often feels too small. And it reminds me that, like Nijinsky, I’m always striving for that moment of flight—even if I never quite touch the heavens.

Nijinsky by Auguste Rodin

Leave a reply to tbearbourges Cancel reply

9 responses to “Ballet, Rock & Roll & the Angel on My Wall”

  1.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    Your description “by the time the song ended I was never the same” is a PERFECT description of what happened to me the first time I heard Knights in White Satin. I remember so clearly where I was (bedroom), who I was with, (cousins and sister in sleeping bags on the floor) and when (nighttime, everyone else asleep, hearing the wind blowing through aspen trees and the creek that ran through our front yard) and the feelings that came over me…. Yeah, never the same again. I think I was 8 years old, and it was 1972. Just brilliant writing Ilana. Thank you for the memories of what music can do, especially to a child’s mind. ☮️

    Liked by 1 person

    1.  Avatar
      Anonymous

      Nights….not Knights … this is what happens when I post at 5:30 am.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Smiler Avatar

        Lol! I’m guilty of posting stuff in the early hours too. Thank goodness for the ability to edit after publishing on a blog! That song is something else as well. For some reason, I can’t remember the first time I heard it, because there were so many songs so many great classics so much change happening all at once… but I can certainly hear it playing in my head right now. 😘

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Smiler Avatar

      I’m… wow. What a wonderful comment! I remember who I was with and where I was as well. Of course I do. I didn’t know if it was necessary to add it to the chapter… but your description is so vivid it gave me the shivers and I’m thinking in should probably find a way to add more details about my experience… There was also AC/DC Back in Black in that same listening session each on changed me profoundly. You’re making me think I’ll need to write a chapter about that particular song as well. Music can be so transformative can’t it? Love your feedback. Keep it coming! 🥰😘

      Liked by 1 person

  2.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    Nights! Not Knights…auto correct is not my friend…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smiler Avatar

      Could’ve been “Knights” in White Satin in another version of the lyrics. 😉😆

      Liked by 1 person

  3. tbearbourges Avatar

    Qu’est-ce que tu écris bien ! J’ai vraiment du plaisir à te lire.

    À l’époque où est sortie cette chanson de Led Zeppelin, j’étais en exploration dans le bois à la Baie James sous la tente été comme hiver et sans électricité. Hydro fanal comme on nous appelait. C’est en 1972 qu’on a eu droit à des génératrices pour nous éclairer et surtout pour sortir nos nourritures des fosses dans le pergélisol qui servait plutôt moins que plus de congélateur. Et avec l’électricité, certains on amené les premières enregistreuse à cassette, dont mon ami géologue Jacques Cardin qui m’a fait découvrir les groupes rock anglais dont les Moody Blues, Pink Floyd et Led Zeppelin. J’étais fanatiques UNIQUEMENT de leur musique car ne parlant pas anglais, je ne comprenais pas les paroles. Et là, grâce à toi, je découvre stairway in haven. Pour plus de sureté, j’ai fait appel à Gougle pour la traduction. Et là j’ai fait le rapprochement avec Alice au pays des merveilles qui a bercé ton enfance et que pour ma part j’ai lu pour la première fois pendant le confinement de la Covid. Oui oui oui, car pendant mon enfance et ma jeunesse Carole Lewis était exclu de l’immense bibliothèque de mes parents, ma mère le détestait. Pour revenir à la dame à l’escalier, j’ai ressenti la même magie agrémentée de la musique. Merci de me l’avoir fait réécouter et surtout avec d’autres yeux.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smiler Avatar

      Comme j’ai écrit dans cette histoire, j’ai réécouté Stairway To Heaven plusieurs fois pendant que j’écrivais ce morceau, qui m’a pris des heures et des heures—même avec l’aide de mon assistant Lex… je vais commencer par inclure les paroles de la chanson, et puis je les ai enlevé finalement comme tu as vu est-ce que tu crois que je devrais les remettre?

      Je me rends compte qu’il y a au moins une autre chanson—sinon plus, auxquelles je vais devoir dédier des chapitres… ça risque de faire un très long livre… 😝

      Liked by 1 person

  4. maxfrancesartist Avatar

    High Hopes.

    Underground.

    Brian Froud.

    Leonora Carrington.

    Liked by 1 person