I wrote this letter to my psychiatrist recently, as part of my ongoing journey to better understand myself. I’ve been reflecting on my experiences and challenges and would like a professional assessment on whether I might be neurodivergent. The process of writing it was enlightening, and I’m sharing it here as part of my path of self-discovery:

Hello Dr. Z,

I hope this finds you well. I mentioned during one of our first sessions that I thought there was a strong possibility I might be neurodivergent. You had said at the time that I’d need to be assessed by a specialist. I meant to bring it up during our last appointment, but it slipped my mind with everything going on.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how I process things and relate to people—especially in the past couple of weeks—since several problematic relationships have come to a head and I’ve had to disassociate from friends because of irreconcilable differences.

It’s become very clear to me that I don’t experience things the same way most people do. My reasoning, sense of boundaries, and worldview often rub people the wrong way, no matter how calmly or respectfully I approach situations. The way I process information and sensory input also seems to be at odds with most people. This has been true all my life, regardless of my mental state, whether I’ve been in a high or low phase.

I’ve reached a point where it would be helpful to gain some clarity on why I function the way I do, and why connecting with others is so difficult for me—especially considering that I find it much easier to connect with those I’d describe as highly sophisticated thinkers than with the average person. It seems like it can’t just be a “mood disorder,” although I understand the bipolar diagnosis is part of the bigger picture.

I’d really appreciate it if you could refer me to someone who specializes in neurodivergence and can assess whether that might be a part of my experience. I feel this could give me better tools to function in society, improve relationships, and find more meaningful connections with people I resonate with.

Thank you for taking the time to consider this. I’d appreciate your thoughts whenever you have a chance to look into it.

Best regards,

Ilana

One of my pen and markers drawings in blues from an as yet unnamed series of mental maps I created in 2022. Unfortunately, the picture quality isn’t ideal as I’ve yet to acquire proper lighting equipment.

• A Christmas gift to myself
• A few of the drawings I destroyed this year
• THE AKATHISIA FILES: PT 5
• THE AKATHISIA FILES: PT 4
• “I like rocks.”