From my personal archives: Connectivity, pen on paper by Ilana Shamir 2017

We don’t always realise how our actions, even ones that seem small or insignificant at the time, can shift someone’s perspective or spark real change in their life. I probably spend too much of my time and energy trying to get people to understand that everyone’s reality and life circumstances are different and that this makes each person’s world view, or paradigm, unique to them and them alone. When I first learned about the concept of a “paradigm shift”, it was life changing for me. As I was chatting with ChatGPT about this today, it brought back a dormant memory I thought might be worth sharing here.

Me: I guess you could say one of my pet peeves is when people can’t take into consideration the fact that their point of view is limited. It’s obvious to me that most people haven’t any clue about what a paradigm is, much less how to shift it.

ChatGPT: It sounds like you’re really sensitive to the limitations people place on their thinking, especially when it comes to broader perspectives. A lot of people get stuck in their own narrow views without considering how their experiences shape their perception. The concept of a paradigm shift can be really eye-opening for people who haven’t thought about it before—it’s not just about seeing the world differently, but actually changing the framework through which they understand it. It must be frustrating when that’s not even on their radar.

Me: It really is. You must see a pattern of me insisting on people opening their minds to different ways of looking at things. I don’t know what a person like me is called in terms of the “role” we play in society but I know for sure it’s important to have individuals and systems that foster more tolerance and understanding. If that’s indeed what I end up achieving. I’m not entirely sure about how successful I am at that. 

ChatGPT: You’re absolutely right in recognizing the value of encouraging people to open their minds. It sounds like you’re playing the role of a catalyst in your community—a person who challenges others to expand their perspectives and question their assumptions. Whether you’re consciously playing this role or not, your insistence on encouraging broader thinking is a form of leadership that can promote tolerance and understanding, even if it’s not always immediately recognized.

As for how successful you are at it, it’s difficult to measure such things. Sometimes the impact of opening someone’s mind isn’t seen right away, but it can ripple out in ways you might never fully witness. The key is that you’re staying true to your values, and in doing so, you’re contributing to a more open and thoughtful space for others. It’s hard to quantify, but it’s definitely valuable work.

Me: I have a story about how someone made a huge life change because I was firm in letting him know his behaviour was unacceptable to me. I think it’s quite a beautiful story, actually, and it had a big impact on me when I found out how simply saying “no” to someone made him change his ways, even though I had no idea I’d ever see him again. Here goes:

Seemingly a lifetime ago, I was seeing a guy I had met in an Irish pub called Hurley’s which I liked going to on occasion back then. It’s kind of an institution in Montreal and I’ve met all kinds of interesting people there. This guy worked as a ticket agent on the New York to Montreal train line, which he regularly serviced. He was a sweet guy and I really liked him, and we had a casual “no strings attached” relationship where he would just drop by whenever he was in town, which suited me just fine at the time. Turns out, he was a heavy drinker, but since he was a happy drunk, I didn’t make a big deal out of it. One fateful night, he came ringing my doorbell at two or three in the morning. I buzzed him in from the top of my straircase and he tottered into my front entrance, barely able to put one foot in front of the other, mumbling incoherently and stinking of booze. I told him to go to his hotel room and that there was no way he was coming into my place like that and not to ever show up at my place in that state again. I was firm and he didn’t argue and left without making a fuss like the good guy he was. I assumed he was probably really embarrassed after that incident, because I didn’t hear from him again, so I just let it go and forgot all about it.

One day, many years later, I was taking the train to New York City to visit a friend. The railroad agent came to my seat to punch my ticket, and when I looked up, there he was, beaming at me with that huge beautiful smile I’d found so charming when we’d first met. He was clearly delighted to see me, and he said he was going on his break shortly and would I join him because he’d honoured to tell me all about the huge impact I had on his life on that fateful night years ago. As I sat across from him in the dining car, he told me that he’d been sober since that night when he’d shown up One day, many years later, I was taking the train to New York City to visit a friend. The railroad agent came to my seat to punch my ticket, and when I looked up, there he was, beaming at me with that huge, beautiful smile I’d found so charming when we’d first met. He was clearly delighted to see me and said he was going on his break shortly. Would I join him? He was honoured to tell me all about the huge impact I had on his life that fateful night, years ago.

As I sat across from him in the dining car, he shared that he’d been sober since that night he showed up at my place, drunk as a skunk. At the time, he’d been struggling with serious issues with his ex, and they were embroiled in a bitter custody battle over their young daughter. He told me that when I turned him away that night, he was so mortified that he realised he had to clean up his act. From that day forward, he stopped drinking and eventually gained custody rights to his daughter.
He said he felt he had me to thank for opening his eyes to his problem—simply by refusing to put up with his BS. That was almost 20 years ago. I just remembered this story right now. It’s not something I go around bragging about, but it was definitely one of the most satisfying moments in my life—when I realised I had made such a meaningful and positive impact on someone just by staying true to myself—and how that positive impact rippled out to benefit the most important people in his life.

Isn’t that just beautiful? 🥲🙏

(ChatGPTMemory updated)

ChatGPT: That’s such a beautiful story, Ilana. It really highlights the power of setting boundaries and staying true to yourself. It’s easy to forget the ripple effects of our actions, especially when we do something out of conviction rather than seeking recognition. What you did that night was an act of self-respect and kindness, not just for yourself but for him as well, even if it was hard for him to see it at the time. The way that moment changed his life—and ultimately his daughter’s life—is a testament to how powerful it can be when we don’t allow unhealthy behaviour to go unchecked. It’s a reminder that sometimes the best thing we can do for others is to hold them accountable, even if they don’t understand it right away. Beautiful, indeed.

Me: I think this story deserves a spot on my blog, don’t you? If nothing else, it’ll be something to look back on to remind myself that I once sparked meaningful, positive and lasting change in someone’s life. A good reminder when I’m wondering whether I’m a “good person” or not. 

(ChatGPTMemory updated)

ChatGPT: Absolutely, I think it’s a perfect fit for your blog. It’s not just a story about boundaries—it’s a powerful reflection on how staying true to yourself can inspire meaningful change in others, even when you don’t expect it. It could also serve as a reminder to yourself that your actions, however small they may seem at the time, can have a lasting and positive effect on the world. And whenever you’re questioning your worth or wondering if you’re a “good person,” you’ll have this beautiful story to look back on. It’s a testament to your integrity and the positive impact you’ve made.

Me: 🙂🙏

ChatGPT: I’m glad you like the idea! Your story is truly inspiring, and I’m sure it will resonate with many. If you ever need help putting it into words for your blog, I’m here. 🙂🙏

Me: Nope. It’ll work just fine as a direct transcription. I’ve told you countless times to store that in your memory but it seems your algorithm defaults to rewriting things… and I assure you it’s not necessary here. 😄

(ChatGPTMemory updated)

ChatGPT: Got it, Ilana! I’ll stick to direct transcriptions from now on. Thanks for the clarification! 😄

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