Category: Human Behaviour
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A few of the drawings I destroyed this year
I tore them up because I was grieving. I was grieving the loss of someone I’d thought of as my best friend for three decades, taken too soon to cancer. Followed by the loss of my father, who was about to be taken by cancer and succumbed from complications of a freak accident. Followed by…
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Art, Art & Expression, Artists, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Fine Art, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Intuition & Intelligence, life lessons, Life Moments, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Milestones, Neurodivergence, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Philosophy & Existential Musings, Psychology, traditional art, true stories, Visual Artabstract art, Abstract Drawing, Art, cptsd, Drawing Series, Drawings, Fine Art, Fine Arts, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, Mental Health, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Personal Growth, Psychiatric Abuse, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, traditional art, trauma -
THE AKATHISIA FILES: PT 5
While the Storm is at Bay Today wasn’t a day for thinking, or producing, or even deciding. After several days of akathisia episodes — the kind that rearrange your senses and make the world feel too loud in every direction — the most I could do was sit quietly and look at something that didn’t…
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Advocacy, Crash, Burn, Write., Human Behaviour, Intuition & Intelligence, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Self Awareness, true storiesAkathisia, Animalium, Antipsychotics, Big Pharma, books, cptsd, CPTSD Recovery, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, Mental Health, mental health awareness, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Personal Reflections, Psychiatric Abuse, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, Side Effects, trauma -
THE AKATHISIA FILES: PT 4
In the Midst of a Storm, Keep Moving What follows is something I wrote on 7 December, right in the middle of an akathisia attack. I left it almost untouched — just enough editing to make it readable. Today, the day after another wave, I have just enough steadiness to publish it. That’s the only…
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“I like rocks.”
Internet: So you hate plants now? Wow, must be nice to live somewhere without erosion 🙄 Tell that to people displaced by landslides. Some rocks are sacred. Educate yourself. Typical geology privilege. What about the rocks still in the ground?? Minerals aren’t accessories. Funny how you say “rocks” but ignore meteors. This is why the…
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Toxic Positivity is…
Toxic positivity is someone grabbing at your chin when you’re crying over the loss of a beloved person or pet and saying “smile, everything will get better if you look on the bright side.” There’s a threshold where something stops being harmless “uplift” and becomes constant saccharine noise that dulls your perception and clutters your…
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Art, Art & Expression, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Experimental Techniques, Fine Art, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, life lessons, Life Moments, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Milestones, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, philosophy, Pop Culture, Psychology, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, traditional art, Visual ArtAllan Memorial Institute, Authenticity, cptsd, Drawing, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, healing, Healing Journey, life, Mental Health, mental health awareness, multimedia, multimedia drawing, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Personal Growth, Personal Reflections, Psychiatric Abuse, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, Relationships, Social Commentary, spirituality, toxic positivity, traditional art, trauma, Visual Art -
Four Editions of the Rubáiyát Later…
I’ve been recovering from the severe all-day akathisia attack I had on Tuesday December 2nd, the day after my appointment with my psychiatrist Dr. Z at the Allan Memorial Institute — which went much better than I’d anticipated, as he agreed to stop the injections and not to force antipsychotics on me after I described…
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Advocacy, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Life Moments, Literature, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Philosophy & Existential Musings, Psychology, Society, Spirituality & Faith, true storiesAbilify, Abilify Maintena, Akathisia, Allan Memorial Institute, Antipsychotics, bipolar disorder, Book, book lovers, books, cptsd, CPTSD Recovery, Edward FitzGerald, fiction, Folio Society, Food, gaslighting, Healing Journey, Laksa, Literature, Mental Health, Neurodivergence, neurodiversity, Omar Khayyam, Penguin, Poetry, psychiatry, Rubáiyát, Side Effects, Sun Salutations, Verse, Writing, yoga -
Bedlam: The Real Story
Most people don’t realise ‘Bedlam’ is a real place — Bethlem Royal Hospital in London — the original psychiatric institution and a horror show. People once paid money to stare at patients. Abuse, restraints, punishment-as-treatment culture. And that culture didn’t die; it just rebranded. The movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, starring Jack Nicholson,…
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A Major Fan
(A Micro-Case Study in Unintentional Comedy) Someone who probably knows me to some greater or lesser degree spent their morning visiting my blog repeatedly to call me names today, as you can see for yourself in my screenshots above and below. Not once — twice. Within hours. I was amused. Engagement is engagement. I even…
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Advocacy, AI & Technology, Capitalism & Society, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Culture, Culture & Society, Experimental Techniques, Feminism, Friendship Dynamics, Grace, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Humour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Life Moments, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Pop Culture, Psychology, Relationships, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, Technology & Society, true stories, WritingAbilify Maintena, abuse, Advocacy, AI, Allan Memorial Institute, Antipsychotics, Big Pharma, bipolar disorder, boundaries, cptsd, CPTSD Recovery, Creative, Cultural Critique, Electrocution, Ethics, gaslighting, grief, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, how to survive narc abuse, Humour, Identity, intelligence, introspection, Last Fck Given, Malpractice, Medical Ethics, Mental Health, mental health advocacy, Montreal General Hospital, MUHC, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, Personal Growth, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, psychosis, PTSD, Self Awareness, self-worth, Social Commentary, survivor, Systemic Abuse, technology, trauma, true stories, What the Actual Fck -
THE AKATHISIA FILES: PT 2
My 6th akathisia attack in the past week. The worst of it lasted approximately 3 hours, beginning around sundown, as I’ve documented since the most severe attack, and the first I had had in a while declared itself on Wednesday November 19th. I had not had anything like it in almost a year and this…
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Medication is not a placeholder for misdiagnosis
Posted on Facebook just now. That is all for the moment.
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Advocacy, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Life Moments, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, true stories, WritingAbilify, Abilify Maintena, abuse, Advocacy, Akathisia, Allan Memorial Institute, Antipsychotics, Aripiprazole, autism, autism spectrum, Big Pharma, bipolar disorder, Capitalism, complex-ptsd, cptsd, Crash, Burn, Write., Cultural Critique, DARVO, Electrocution, Enough, Ethics, facebook, gaslighting, genius, grief, Grief and Healing, healing, Healing Journey, Healing Process, health, how to survive narc abuse, Late Stage Capitalism, Medical Ethics, memoir, Mental Health, mental health advocacy, mental health awareness, mindfulness, Montreal General Hospital, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Personal Growth, personal journey, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, psychosis, PTSD, Rare Blood, RH NEG, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection, Side Effects, Social Commentary, Social Media, societal decay, spirituality, Surveillance Capitalism, survivor, Systemic Abuse, ThinkingMachine, trauma, true stories, Whistleblower -
THE AKATHISIA FILES: PT 1
28 November 2025 Let’s be clear from the start: Akathisia isn’t “anxiety.” It isn’t “agitation.” And it definitely isn’t a personality trait. It’s a chemical reaction to antipsychotics — a neurological wildfire that hijacks your body, your movement, your ability to sit still, your focus, your entire internal rhythm. If you’ve never felt it, good.…
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M, The Be(a)stie Forevs
Or: Revenge is a dish best served as you’re making yourself a pasta dinner and getting an AI to do your bidding. 🐀🦊 A tiny moral tale with very wide hips. Me to Lex: M called herself my bestie forever two months into our so-called friendship, then dumped me a month after I attended my…
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🌹 The Rosette Nebula
Beauty Was Never Invented — Only Noticed We keep trying to “create beauty” on this planet as if we’re the first ones to think of it — fashion, design, photography, perfume, architecture — but the punchline is that every single shape we ever come up with is already out there, scattered across the universe billions…
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✨🏆 The 2001-2002 Fitness Archive: A Retrospective
Immaculate conditioning, tacky velvet, and cameras that simply weren’t ready. Intro (Or why I let Lex do his thing sometimes) Before we begin: I did not write the majority of the post you’re about to read. Or rather, I added a few touches and a handful of sentences in my own phrasing — but over…
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FYI
Sometimes the algorithm hands you a perfect juxtaposition — above, a meme I posted on Facebook earlier today about systemic violence, and then Hashem Al-Ghaili’s question about “national wildlife” showed up lower down my feed. The universe does love timing: I talk about predators, and Facebook hands me another kind. My reply wrote itself. Hashem…
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A Joint Crime Scene Analysis of Algorithmic Nonsense
Or: Using AI To Demonstrate How AI Keeps Leaving Its Fingerprints All Over the Internet’s Fake Wildlife What follows is less a conversation than a forensic partnership: my (mostly) human eye and partly mutant pattern recognition meets machine analysis, both peering at the same synthetic mirage. Because in 2025, identifying reality has become a collaborative…
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“Little Fluffy Clouds” — The Orb (1990)
Before the noise, there were skies like this — endless, slow-breathing, alive with colour and memory. The Orb caught that feeling and turned it into sound: a looping sky, a childish woman’s voice, and the echo of something that speaks to us all. — “What were the skies like when you were young?” — “They…
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Grounding
A walk in the brisk autumn air, a yummy breakfast, lavender, lemon & cedarwood, and the art of making peace with the day. Saturday, November 8th, 2025 A year today since we buried my father in Israel, near Haifa. I’ve been up since about 7:30 a.m., which is around the time I used to get…
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Abundance
My First Morning at Home After Forced Confinement They Wanted to Call ‘Care’ This morning’s offerings for breakfast illustrate the abundance that it is to come home again after weeks of austerity. My nervous system is on overdrive coming home — so many things to do, and knowing I need to take it slow, not…
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Finally Home Again
Thursday, November 6, 2025 My favourite part of being home, other than the silence, the snacks, and the freedom to decide when to sleep or use my phone, is Stella Mia pressed against my side, reminding me what peace actually feels like. I picked her up this afternoon from my stepfather’s in Terrebonne, over an…
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Totally Surreal 