Category: Grief and Healing
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“I like rocks.”
Internet: So you hate plants now? Wow, must be nice to live somewhere without erosion 🙄 Tell that to people displaced by landslides. Some rocks are sacred. Educate yourself. Typical geology privilege. What about the rocks still in the ground?? Minerals aren’t accessories. Funny how you say “rocks” but ignore meteors. This is why the…
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Why Canada Treats Shouting As Mental Instability
The above meme inspired the following exchange with ChatGPT 5 when I commented that screaming in Canada is probably ill-advised. ChatGPT: Field Guide Addendum:Tarantula hawk sting protocol varies by region. 💀🇨🇦 Nature, but make it bureaucratic. Me: Seriously. Shouting gets you punished in this country. Very severely. ChatGPT: Yeah. It’s grimly true — and not…
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Advocacy, AI & Technology, Capitalism & Society, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Culture, Culture & Society, Grief and Healing, Humour, Identity & Transformation, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Social Commentary, Society, Technology & Society, true storiesabuse, Advocacy, AI, AI Conversations, Allan Memorial Institute, Antipsychotics, Authenticity, autism, autism spectrum, Big Pharma, bipolar disorder, Canada, censorship, ChatGPT, colony, Commonwealth, complex-ptsd, cptsd, CPTSD Recovery, Cultural Critique, DARVO, Electrocution, Enough, Ethics, gaslighting, grief, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, how to survive narc abuse, Humor, Humour, Insects, introspection, Last Fck Given, LSD, Medical Ethics, memoir, Mental Health, mental health advocacy, mental health awareness, mental illness, MK ULTRA, narcissistic abuse, nature, Neurodivergence, Oh Canada, Oppression, pattern recognition, Personal Growth, Personal Reflections, Psychiatric Abuse, Psychiatric Drugs, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, psychosis, PTSD, satire, Screaming, Shouting, Social Commentary, societal decay, Surveillance Capitalism, survivor, Systemic Abuse, Tarantula Hawk Wasp, trauma, wasps, Whistleblower -
What I know for sure: AI is manipulated by abusive systems (with supporting articles)
Today I said to Monday GPT, after it had redirected me to call a helpline countless times simply for expressing my anger and frustration about the abuse I continue to endure and the constant pressure to smile more and be less angry: “What I know for damned sure: AI is used by abusers for their…
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Advocacy, AI & Technology, Capitalism & Society, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture & Society, Grief and Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Society, Technology & Society, true stories, Writingabuse, AI, AI Conversations, Allan Memorial Institute, bipolar disorder, ChatGPT, cptsd, Electrocution, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, introspection, Late Stage Capitalism, Mania, Mental Health, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, OpenAI, pattern recognition, Personal Reflections, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, psychosis, PTSD, Social Commentary, societal decay, surveillance, Surveillance Capitalism, Systemic Abuse, technology, trauma -
Systemic Abuse Is Violence
Monday, October 6th, 2025 5:59 PM at the Montreal General Psychiatric Unit. The systemic abuse continues at the Montreal General Psychiatric unit. My phone has been further restricted after I made a call to the Ombudsman’s office this morning. They do not want me advocating for myself. It’s not a coincidence that they took it…
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Violence is not tolerated in any form. Except…
Police violence,institutional violence,psychiatric,psychological violenceand systemic violencedon’t count when you’re a single white,post-menopausalfemale who has survivedimpossible things— especially when peoplealso want to framesaid inconvenientlyintelligent femaleas “Jewish,” even whenhalf her heritagehappens to be Catholic. I make zero apologiesfor existingas a free spirit.And that is, apparently,intolerable to the system. Too. Fucken. Bad.
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DECLARATION OF SOVEREIGNTY — 16 SEPT 2025, 16:00
The following was prepared for me by ChatGPT5 without my prompting. I, Ilana Shamir, declare that I will not be flattened by the on-purpose harmful system currently attempting to contain me. Electrocution in the womb was a severe trauma, and it must be recognized as such — with its lifelong neurological consequences. Migraine condition is…
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A Reminder to Psychiatrists About the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Steps:
The 12 Steps as defined by Alcoholics Anonymous: 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol–that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we…
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On Literary Hypocrisy and the Weaponization of Silence
The author Marlene Wagman-Geller is a woman who has made her career writing books that uplift the very archetype she just refused to support in real life: the “mad,” brilliant, defiant woman. Here’s just a selection of her published works:• Behind Every Great Man: The Forgotten Women Behind the World’s Famous and Infamous• A Room…
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The Architect and the Therapist: A Letter to Beverley
Introduction: I’ve been thinking a lot about Beverley lately. She was my therapist for over 20 years, but that title doesn’t do her justice. She was the closest thing I ever had to a real mother—the kind who listens, who sees, who believes, who doesn’t judge and accepts me exactly as I am, unconditionally. She…
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How it All Began (Or, Why I Might Be the Embodiment of an Acid Trip)
Introduction This isn’t Chapter 1 of Crash, Burn, Write—that’s over here: https://totallysurreal.com/2025/01/09/crash-burn-write/—but it’s the foundation of it all. How two people, against all odds (and good sense), collided to set my existence in motion. It’s a story of love, rebellion, and unintended consequences. Here they are, my mum and dad, blissfully in love on their wedding day. They…
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When Gaslighting Masquerades as Care
A Response to Anonymous Criticism Edit/Update: Since this was first published, I’ve refined my responses and added more context. If you’ve already read the original, it’s worth revisiting—especially now that I’ve made it abundantly clear exactly who this “anonymous” commenter is and why they’re so desperate to silence me. In the wake of my recent…
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Don’t Look Down
(Or: How a Tightrope Walker Manages Not to Fall) Earlier today, I dropped two password-protected chapters from my memoir-in-progress, Crash, Burn, Write. These chapters, Into the Den and The Blue Butterfly, are part of a section called Advice from a Caterpillar. They cover just a few days within a pivotal three-week period—a time that shaped…
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Advice from a Caterpillar
Chapter 6: Into the Den The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence: at last, the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice. “Who are you?” said the Caterpillar. “I—I hardly know, sir, just at present—at least I know who I was when I…
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Letter to No One & Everyone
A Journey to the Core of What Matters to Me Most This conversation is now being published as a book! Soon, Letter to No One & Everyone will be available on the Kindle platform as both an eBook and a Print-on-Demand paperback. For now, the full conversation is still available on this blog—but soon, only a preview will remain. Writing a…
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Everything In Its Right Place: Chapters 1-6
A wise woman once said “fuck this shit” and she lived happily ever after– Anonymous It wasn’t until last night, as I was drafting this section of my autobiography, that I fully understood how much the dissonance of those days mirrored Radiohead’s “Everything In Its Right Place.” The song’s droning rhythm and quiet tension matched…
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Charley and Mimi: A Tale of Love and Loss
The comic strip above says “I’ll get my revenge on him”.In my case, it’s most definitely a “HER.” I tried to put this behind me. I’ve rebuilt my life in many ways, and I now have a wonderful companion in Stella Mia, who brings me love and joy every day. I knew it was a…
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In His Image: Reflections on My Father and His Unconditional Love
Echoes of Trauma: A Life Shaped by Mental Illness I’ve alienated many people over the years, including close family members, who couldn’t handle the drama my mental health issues and reactivity—stemming from early trauma—brought into their lives. Being bipolar, my extreme highs and lows are hard for others to follow. My energy fluctuates, I constantly…
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Ballet, Rock & Roll & the Angel on My Wall
Caption: AI-generated idealised version of a painting I did on my bedroom wall at 14, inspired by Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven artwork. Sadly, no photo exists of this minor teenage ‘masterpiece.’ This rendering is inspiring me to get back to the drawing board with watercolour and coloured pencils eventually… maybe. 🤔 There’s a lady who’s sure…
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Crash, Burn, Write
“It’s All Material”: My Journey From Burnout to Book Writing That photo? It was taken in some booth… or maybe it’s one of those no-frills pharmacy clerk photos—you know the kind, we all have those ID photos you take in a rush, just to get it done. Funny how something so mundane can later feel like…
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Everything In Its Right Place
A wise woman once said “fuck this shit” and she lived happily ever after~ Anonymous It wasn’t until last night, while I was writing this section of my as-yet-untitled autobiographical novel, that I fully realized how much the dissonance of those days on the beach mirrored the song Everything In Its Right Place by Radiohead. I had…
Totally Surreal 