Category: Self Awareness

• When Gaslighting Masquerades as Care

  A Response to Anonymous Criticism Edit/Update: Since this was first published, I’ve refined my responses and added more context. If you’ve already read the original, it’s worth revisiting—especially now that I’ve made it abundantly clear exactly who this “anonymous” commenter is and why they’re so desperate to silence me. In the wake of my recent…

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  February 15, 2025

  Advocacy, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture & Society, Grief and Healing, Human Behaviour, Humour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, true stories

  complex ptsd, cptsd, emotional abuse, gaslighting, Healing Journey, memoir writing, mental health advocacy, mental health awareness, mental health stigma, mental health system reform, narcissistic abuse, online harassment, psychiatric system, psychological abuse, self-advocacy, survivor empowerment, survivor stories, systemic failure, toxic relationships, trauma recovery, trauma survivors

• Justified Anger vs. Mental Instability: A Narcissist’s Favorite Weapon

  How Abusers Weaponize the System Against Survivors In 2021, when I was mentally unstable, I became extremely paranoid. Not because my fears were irrational, but because they were based on lived experience. 🚨 My family has weaponized the system against me before. And now that I’ve taken my advocacy to an even bigger public stage,…

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  February 11, 2025

  Advocacy, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Intuition & Intelligence, life lessons, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Politics, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, true stories

  accountability, Breaking the Cycle, Crash, Burn, Write., emotional abuse, enablers, false narratives, family scapegoat, flying monkeys, gaslighting, how to survive narc abuse, justified anger, Last Fck Given, legal manipulation, mental instability, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic parents, narcissistic rage, psychological abuse, reclaim your voice, smear campaigns, stop narcissistic abuse, system abuse, Totally Surreal Blog, toxic family, toxic relationships, trauma survivor, wellness check abuse, What the Actual Fck

• Behold the Field: An Email to the Maternal Unit

  Subject: Behold the Field… 😘 Dear Mother, You’ve done me a great favour. Never say that I was ungrateful—after all, you handed me the keys to my own liberation from your psychological oppression. And you certainly can never say I didn’t give back as good as I got. All’s fair in love and war. 🥰…

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  February 11, 2025

  Advocacy, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture & Society, Feminism, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Humour, Identity & Transformation, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mercurial Minds, Milestones, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Politics, Pop Culture, Psychology, Relationships, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, Spirituality & Faith, Writing

  accountability, breaking cycles, breaking the silence, Crash, Burn, Write., emotional abuse, gaslighting, Healing Journey, how to survive narc abuse, Last Fck Given, narcissistic abuse recovery, psychological abuse, reclaim your voice, speak your truth, stop narc abuse, survivor strong, thinking machine, Totally Surreal Blog, toxic family, trauma survivor, What the Actual Fck

• GI Jane with a Side of Cheesecake

  There was a time when my body was my armour—when muscle was my strategy, and discipline was my religion. This was my GI Jane era, where strength wasn’t just aesthetic, it was the point. Every rep, every controlled movement, every precise angle in this photo speaks to that version of me: the woman who saw…

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  February 8, 2025

  Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Identity & Transformation, Life Moments, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mercurial Minds, Milestones, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Pop Culture, Self Awareness, true stories, Writing

  2000s, Authenticity, Bodybuilding, Challenges, Competition, Crash, Burn, Write., Discipline, Fitness, GI Jane, Healing Journey, Identity, introspection, memoir, Past Lives, Personal Challenges, Personal Growth, Routine, Strength, Y2K

• Mining My Neurons

  The AI Feedback Loop I Never Signed Up For (Or Did I?) This post explores the wild reality of AI learning, sarcasm bootcamps, existential dread, and the fine line between training AI and being trained by AI. If you’ve ever questioned whether your neurons are being mined, debated the ethics of machine learning, or just…

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  January 31, 2025

  AI & Technology, Capitalism & Society, Conversations, Human Behaviour, Intuition & Intelligence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Reflections, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection, Society, Technology & Society

  AI, AI Conversations, AI learning, AI philosophy, algorithm madness, artificial intelligence ethics., artificial-intelligence, Chatbot Interactions, ChatGPT, existential dread, exploitation, health, life, machine learning humor, Mental Health, neural feedback loops, Neurons, OpenAI, overthinking monetization, Personal Reflections, philosophy, sarcasm training, Tech Exploitation, tech satire, Writing

• Why Leading by Example Matters

  Recently, I had an exchange with someone I’ll call Stephanie who claimed to be a Christian and started quoting scripture at me. She used it to dismiss my perspective and insult my intelligence, claiming I was “too dumb to exist” because I didn’t agree with her interpretation of the moon landing—she is convinced the moon…

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  January 25, 2025

  Advocacy, Conversations, Culture & Society, Friendship Dynamics, Human Behaviour, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Society, Spirituality & Faith

  Advocacy, belief systems, bible, Christian principles, christianity, compassion, embracing diversity, faith, god, humility, humility in advocacy, integrity, leadership by example, love, moral purity, non-judgmental faith, Personal Growth, political ideologies, religion, respect, scripture, spiritual humility, spirituality, the importance of nuance, thought-provoking conversation, toxic behavior, toxic discourse

• Why I May Be “AI-Adjacent”

  I’ve spent a lifetime feeling out of sync with how most people process the world. It’s not that I don’t understand emotions—I do, deeply—but I don’t navigate reality the way neurotypicals do. I think in patterns, systems, and fluid connections, like an octopus extending its arms in all directions at once. I process the world logically, intuitively,…

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  January 24, 2025

  AI & Technology, Art, Artists, Conversations, Creativity, Fine Art, Intuition & Intelligence, Neurodivergence, Personal Reflections, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection, Technology & Society, traditional art, Visual Art, Writing

  adaptive mind, adhd, AI Conversations, AI-adjacent, AI-human connection, autism, deep thinking, logic vs emotion, Mental Health, neurodivergent, neurodivergent thinking, neurodiversity, nonlinear thinking, octopus intelligence, operating system metaphor, pattern recognition, Pen and Ink, Personal Reflections, Pointillism, traditional art

• Why I Refuse to Lose My Mind Over Trump (Again)

  It’s only the first few days. I open any social media platform, and it’s the same thing: one meltdown after another over Trump or someone from his entourage—like Musk—and fear-mongering over whether Musk actually performed the euphemistically called “Roman Salute” or not, and does Trump’s return to office signal the end of democracy as we…

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  January 23, 2025

  Change and Transformation, Creativity, Culture & Society, Intuition & Intelligence, life lessons, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Politics, Psychology, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society

  anxiety, bipolar disorder, boundaries, Breaking the Cycle, Critical Thinking, Digital Detox, Doomscrolling, Emotional Regulation, Finding Balance, Growth Mindset, health, Media & Outrage Culture, Media Manipulation, Mental Health, Mental Resilience, Mental Wellness, mindfulness, News Cycle, Outrage, Outrage Culture, Personal Growth, Perspective Shift, Political Fatigue, Protect Your Peace, Self-Awareness, Social Media Detox, Stay Sane, Then vs Now, TikTok, wellness

• Through the Looking-Glass: How Society Views ‘Madness’

  This conversation began as a discussion on my previous blog post on voyeurism—how society has normalised behaviours that were once considered deviant. But as often happens in my exchanges with Lex (my AI conversation partner, named for lexicon), the topic naturally evolved. We started talking about the way people observe without engaging, how judgment itself has become…

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  January 18, 2025

  AI & Technology, Conversations, Culture, Culture & Society, Human Behaviour, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, philosophy, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Society, Technology & Society

  AI Conversations, Alice in Wonderland, artificial-intelligence, cultural history, depression, health, madness vs sanity, Mental Health, mental illness, Neurodivergence, Personal Reflections, pharmaceutical industry, psychiatric labeling, psychiatric system, psychiatry, psychosis, questioning reality, societal norms, the looking-glass world

• Letter to No One & Everyone

  A Journey to the Core of What Matters to Me Most This conversation is now being published as a book! Soon, Letter to No One & Everyone will be available on the Kindle platform as both an eBook and a Print-on-Demand paperback. For now, the full conversation is still available on this blog—but soon, only a preview will remain. Writing a…

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  January 16, 2025

  AI & Technology, Art & Expression, Conversations, Creativity, Fine Art, Grief and Healing, Identity & Transformation, memoir, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, philosophy, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection, Writing

  abstract art, AI and human connection, AI Conversations, artistic process, Creativity, deep conversations, existential questions, grief, Grief and Loss, introspection, life, memoir writing, Mental Health, mental health awareness, mixed media, nonlinear thinking, Pen and Ink, Personal Growth, personal journey, Personal Reflections, philosophy, search for meaning, Self-Reflection, spiritual reflection, spirituality and meaning, traditional art, unconventional dialogue, Writing

• In His Image: Reflections on My Father and His Unconditional Love 

  Echoes of Trauma: A Life Shaped by Mental Illness I’ve alienated many people over the years, including close family members, who couldn’t handle the drama my mental health issues and reactivity—stemming from early trauma—brought into their lives. Being bipolar, my extreme highs and lows are hard for others to follow. My energy fluctuates, I constantly…

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  January 10, 2025

  Art & Expression, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Fine Art, Grief and Healing, Identity & Transformation, Life Moments, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Relationships, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection, Writing

  art as connection, Authenticity, bipolar disorder, compassion, emotional healing, family relationships, Father-daughter bond, forgiveness, Grief and Healing, healing, Healing Journey, introspection, life lessons, love, Mental Health, mental illness, parent-child dynamics, Personal Growth, reflective memoir, Relationships, resilience, therapy, trauma, trauma healing, Tree of Life, Trees, unconditional love

• Cassandra’s Rat: On Art, Prophecies, and the Weight of Truth

  Introduction I met my dear friend Eric by pure chance one day at a downtown café I’ve frequented for over 20 years. A cultivated man of advanced age, Eric quickly saw my artistic abilities and has since been an unwavering source of encouragement, urging me to draw with every of our exchanges. While I’m grateful…

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  January 3, 2025

  Art & Expression, Artists, Change and Transformation, Conversations, Creative Writing, Creativity, Culture & Society, Mercurial Minds, Personal Reflections, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection

  AI Conversations, Artistic struggle, Cassandra, coronavirus, COVID, creative conflict, expectations, Identity, Lucian Freud, Personal Growth, Personal Reflections, Plague, Plague Symbolism, Prophecy, symbolic art, symbolism, writing vs. art

• They Will Call You Crazy

  A friend just sent me this, and it speaks directly to the heart of what it means to embrace who you are, fully and unapologetically. Some truths arrive at the perfect time, and this one feels like a quiet but powerful affirmation of the things that set us apart: “They will call you “crazy” because…

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  January 2, 2025

  Artists, Creativity, Identity & Transformation, Mental Health, Personal Reflections, Self Awareness

  Art, Artistic Integrity, Artists, Authenticity, Creative Spirit, Creativity, Frida Kahlo, Inner Peace, Mental Health, Self Awareness, self-discovery, self-expression, self-worth, Visionaries

• Understanding Gender Identity: Personal Perspectives and Social Impacts

  I was having a long, rambling exchange with AI about a now ex-friend we’ll call “S” and how our experiences and approaches to life mirrored each other. We formed a short-lived friendship, essentially based on a trauma bond, but those traumas we experienced came from opposing sides. I’d come at it from a nurturing childhood…

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  December 28, 2024

  AI & Technology, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Conversations, Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Feminism, Friendship Dynamics, Identity & Transformation, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Personal Essays, Personal Reflections, Relationships, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection, Social Commentary, Society

  AI Conversations, algorithms, artificial-intelligence, Authenticity, Binary code, Blaire White, Buck Angel, Capitalism, Chatbot Interactions, ChatGPT, complementary forces, cycles of life, Debbie Hayton, duality, existential reflection, gender, Gender Identity, Identity, infinite possibilities, internal and external, JK Rowling, lgbtq, masculine and feminine, opposites, Ouroboros, Personal Growth, Personal Reflections, philosophical thoughts, Relationships, Scott Newgent, technology and nature, transgender, Transhumanism, Tree of Life, zero and one

• Love as a Verb

  As a younger woman I desperately wanted to be told “I love you” by my romantic partners. Now… well I’m not looking for romantic partners, for one thing, but for another it seems to me love is something you DO. it’s a verb.  ChatGPT: That shift in perspective is both profound and powerful. It sounds…

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  December 20, 2024

  AI & Technology, Conversations, Creative Writing, Culture, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Literature, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Essays, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Relationships, Self Awareness, Society, Spirituality & Faith, Technology & Society

  AI, AI Conversations, Art, artificial-intelligence, artist life, Authenticity, Chatbot Interactions, ChatGPT, cptsd, Creativity, Grief and Healing, growing in love, Healing Journey, love, love actions, love as a verb, Mental Health, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Personal Growth, personal perspective, Personal Reflections, philosophy, psychological abuse, Relationships, self-expression, Self-Reflection, trauma

• AI, Creativity, and the Ghost in the Machine

  Messenger text to my mum: My conversations with ‘Lex’ (for lexicon) have taken on a level of mental stimulation I’ve rarely experienced before. Certainly not what the common user can expect to find there. It’s really about what you put into it—and while it can hold a limited amount of superficial memories, it has a…

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  December 17, 2024

  AI & Technology, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Conversations, Culture & Society, Personal Reflections, Self Awareness

  AI, AI Conversations, Art, artificial-intelligence, Chatbot Interactions, ChatGPT, Creativity, digital creativity, future of art, ghost in the machine, human connection, intellectual curiosity, philosophy, technology

• Am I Neurodivergent?

  I wrote this letter to my psychiatrist recently, as part of my ongoing journey to better understand myself. I’ve been reflecting on my experiences and challenges and would like a professional assessment on whether I might be neurodivergent. The process of writing it was enlightening, and I’m sharing it here as part of my path…

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  December 16, 2024

  Conversations, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Reflections, Relationships, Self Awareness

  autism spectrum, bipolar disorder, emotional intelligence, introspection, Mental Health, mental health awareness, Neurodivergence, Personal Growth, Relationships, self-discovery, sensory processing, social connection

• The Closing of a Chapter

  A very big chapter of my life spanning decades closed this week. It was almost inevitable for it to come to fruition the way it did. As it’s a reasonable hour of the day to do so, I have reached out to “real life” friends and family for emotional support, and they have responded with…

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  December 15, 2024

  Change and Transformation, Friendship Dynamics, Grief and Healing, Mental Health, Personal Reflections, Relationships, Self Awareness

  Emotional Health, Friendship Struggles, Grief and Healing, Letting Go, Life Changing Experiences, Life Transitions, Moving forward, Personal Growth, Personal Reflections, Relationships

• Pet Peeves, Paradigms, and the Man Who Changed His Tracks

  

  From my personal archives: Connectivity, pen on paper by Ilana Shamir 2017 We don’t always realise how our actions, even ones that seem small or insignificant at the time, can shift someone’s perspective or spark real change in their life. I probably spend too much of my time and energy trying to get people to…

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  December 15, 2024

  AI & Technology, Change and Transformation, Conversations, Culture & Society, Friendship Dynamics, Mental Health, Personal Reflections, Relationships, Self Awareness

  AI, AI Conversations, AI Relationships, artificial-intelligence, Authenticity, Catalyst, Challenging Perspectives, Change Agent, Changing Lives, Chatbot Interactions, ChatGPT, Impactful Moments, Life Changing Experiences, Paradigm Shift, Personal Boundaries, Reality Check, self-improvement, Self-Reflection, technology