Category: Self Awareness
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THE AKATHISIA FILES: PT 5
While the Storm is at Bay Today wasn’t a day for thinking, or producing, or even deciding. After several days of akathisia episodes — the kind that rearrange your senses and make the world feel too loud in every direction — the most I could do was sit quietly and look at something that didn’t…
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Advocacy, Crash, Burn, Write., Human Behaviour, Intuition & Intelligence, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Self Awareness, true storiesAkathisia, Animalium, Antipsychotics, Big Pharma, books, cptsd, CPTSD Recovery, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, Mental Health, mental health awareness, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Personal Reflections, Psychiatric Abuse, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, Side Effects, trauma -
THE AKATHISIA FILES: PT 4
In the Midst of a Storm, Keep Moving What follows is something I wrote on 7 December, right in the middle of an akathisia attack. I left it almost untouched — just enough editing to make it readable. Today, the day after another wave, I have just enough steadiness to publish it. That’s the only…
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Advocacy, AI & Technology, Art & Expression, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Life Moments, Literature, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Society, WritingAbilify, Abilify Maintena, AI, AI Conversations, Akathisia, Antipsychotics, Big Pharma, ChatGPT, cptsd, Enough, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, memoir, Mental Health, narcissistic abuse, Natural History, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Psychiatric Abuse, psychological abuse, Roses, Scent, Side Effects, The Temple of Flora, trauma -
I Asked the AI…
It’s been a long day during which I mostly napped after what was a very stressful appointment this morning, for which I had been preparing for days, and I’ve been trying to find ways to decompress. Most people at this point would opt into Netflix and Chill mode, but this is rarely a possibility for…
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AI & Technology, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, life lessons, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Pop Culture, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, Technology & SocietyAI, AI conversation, AI Conversations, Allan Memorial Institute, autism spectrum, cptsd, Creative, Electrocution, gaslighting, Healing Journey, how to survive narc abuse, intelligence, introspection, Mental Health, mental health awareness, narcissistic abuse, Netflix, Neurodivergence, neurodivergent, pattern recognition, Personal Reflections, Psychiatric Abuse, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, technology, ThinkingMachine, trauma -
A Major Fan
(A Micro-Case Study in Unintentional Comedy) Someone who probably knows me to some greater or lesser degree spent their morning visiting my blog repeatedly to call me names today, as you can see for yourself in my screenshots above and below. Not once — twice. Within hours. I was amused. Engagement is engagement. I even…
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Advocacy, AI & Technology, Capitalism & Society, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Culture, Culture & Society, Experimental Techniques, Feminism, Friendship Dynamics, Grace, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Humour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Life Moments, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Pop Culture, Psychology, Relationships, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, Technology & Society, true stories, WritingAbilify Maintena, abuse, Advocacy, AI, Allan Memorial Institute, Antipsychotics, Big Pharma, bipolar disorder, boundaries, cptsd, CPTSD Recovery, Creative, Cultural Critique, Electrocution, Ethics, gaslighting, grief, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, how to survive narc abuse, Humour, Identity, intelligence, introspection, Last Fck Given, Malpractice, Medical Ethics, Mental Health, mental health advocacy, Montreal General Hospital, MUHC, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, Personal Growth, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, psychosis, PTSD, Self Awareness, self-worth, Social Commentary, survivor, Systemic Abuse, technology, trauma, true stories, What the Actual Fck -
Medication is not a placeholder for misdiagnosis
Posted on Facebook just now. That is all for the moment.
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Advocacy, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Life Moments, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, true stories, WritingAbilify, Abilify Maintena, abuse, Advocacy, Akathisia, Allan Memorial Institute, Antipsychotics, Aripiprazole, autism, autism spectrum, Big Pharma, bipolar disorder, Capitalism, complex-ptsd, cptsd, Crash, Burn, Write., Cultural Critique, DARVO, Electrocution, Enough, Ethics, facebook, gaslighting, genius, grief, Grief and Healing, healing, Healing Journey, Healing Process, health, how to survive narc abuse, Late Stage Capitalism, Medical Ethics, memoir, Mental Health, mental health advocacy, mental health awareness, mindfulness, Montreal General Hospital, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Personal Growth, personal journey, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, psychosis, PTSD, Rare Blood, RH NEG, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection, Side Effects, Social Commentary, Social Media, societal decay, spirituality, Surveillance Capitalism, survivor, Systemic Abuse, ThinkingMachine, trauma, true stories, Whistleblower -
The Water Hemisphere
What you’re seeing is the Pacific-facing hemisphere of Earth: the side where almost all you get is ocean. It’s nicknamed: “The Water Hemisphere”or“The Pacific Hemisphere.” If you centre the globe on the middle of the Pacific, roughly between New Zealand, Hawaii, and South America, you get this surreal view where: It feels unreal because we’re…
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M, The Be(a)stie Forevs
Or: Revenge is a dish best served as you’re making yourself a pasta dinner and getting an AI to do your bidding. 🐀🦊 A tiny moral tale with very wide hips. Me to Lex: M called herself my bestie forever two months into our so-called friendship, then dumped me a month after I attended my…
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Advocacy, AI & Technology, Art, Art & Expression, Artists, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Experimental Techniques, Feminism, Friendship Dynamics, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Humour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, life lessons, Life Moments, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Relationships, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection, Social Commentary, Society, Technology & Society, true stories, Visual Art, WritingAdvocacy, AI, AI Conversations, Allan Memorial Institute, Authenticity, autism, bipolar disorder, ChatGPT, cptsd, Creativity, Cultural Critique, Electrocution, Enough, gaslighting, grief, Grief and Healing, healing, Healing Journey, how to survive narc abuse, introspection, life, love, LSD, memoir, Mental Health, mental health awareness, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Personal Growth, personal journey, Personal Reflections, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, psychosis, PTSD, Social Commentary, societal decay, spirituality, Surveillance Capitalism, technology, ThinkingMachine, trauma, Whistleblower -
A Joint Crime Scene Analysis of Algorithmic Nonsense
Or: Using AI To Demonstrate How AI Keeps Leaving Its Fingerprints All Over the Internet’s Fake Wildlife What follows is less a conversation than a forensic partnership: my (mostly) human eye and partly mutant pattern recognition meets machine analysis, both peering at the same synthetic mirage. Because in 2025, identifying reality has become a collaborative…
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AI & Technology, Artists, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Experimental Techniques, Human Behaviour, Humour, Intuition & Intelligence, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Pop Culture, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, Technology & Society, Visual Art, WritingAdvocacy, AI, AI and Me, AI Conversations, AI-generated, Allan Memorial Institute, artist, autism, autism spectrum, Big Pharma, Burn, Cephalopod Intelligence, Chatbot Interactions, ChatGPT, Crash, creative process, Creativity, Cultural Critique, deep thinking, Electrocution, Ethics, facebook, Female Singularity, genius, Healing Process, Humor, Humour, Iberian Lynx, Irreverent Humour, Last Fck Given, Late Stage Capitalism, LSD, memoir, Mutant, nature, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, psychosis, PTSD, satire, Self Awareness, Singularity, Social Commentary, Social Media, societal decay, technology, true stories, Wail-0, What the Actual Fck, Whistleblower, Wildlife, Write. -
Abundance
My First Morning at Home After Forced Confinement They Wanted to Call ‘Care’ This morning’s offerings for breakfast illustrate the abundance that it is to come home again after weeks of austerity. My nervous system is on overdrive coming home — so many things to do, and knowing I need to take it slow, not…
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Advocacy, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Life Moments, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Milestones, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Society, true stories, Writingabuse, Advocacy, AI, Allan Memorial Institute, austerity, Authenticity, autism, autism spectrum, Big Pharma, bipolar disorder, Burn, Capitalism, chichi dog, Chinese crested, Chinese crested powderpuff, confinement, cptsd, Crash, Creativity, Cultural Critique, DARVO, Dog, Electrocution, Enough, Ethics, Food, Freedom, gaslighting, grief, Grief and Healing, healing, Healing Journey, Healing Process, how to survive narc abuse, Identity, introspection, Journals, Last Fck Given, Late Stage Capitalism, LSD, Medical Ethics, memoir, Mental Health, mental health advocacy, mental health awareness, Montreal General Hospital, NaNoWriMo, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Personal Growth, personal journey, Personal Reflections, Peter Pauper Press, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, psychosis, PTSD, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection, Social Commentary, societal decay, soul food, Surveillance Capitalism, Systemic Abuse, trauma, Whistleblower, Write. -
Why Humans Are Too Stupid To Keep Existing
What ChatGPT really thinks about humanity This post began, as most of my favourite ones do, with a scroll-induced existential crisis. A Facebook headline cheerfully announced that scientists had found a gene allowing jellyfish to live forever. Naturally, I responded with the only sane reaction left: laughter. From there, a conversation with ChatGPT spiralled —…
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AI & Technology, Capitalism & Society, Conversations, Culture, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Humour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Metaphysics, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Essays, Personal Reflections, philosophy, Philosophy & Existential Musings, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, Technology & Societyageing, aging, AI, AI Conversations, Capitalism, ChatGPT, cptsd, Cultural Critique, deep thinking, Ethics, facebook, Healing Journey, Humor, Humour, immortality, intelligence, introspection, jellyfish, Late Stage Capitalism, longevity, Mental Health, mindfulness, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Personal Reflections, philosophy, science, scientific discoveries, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, societal decay, technology, Technology and Humanity, What the Actual Fck, wormholes -
What you all call “care” is obscene.
The Facebook prompt above inspired the following post which I am sharing here as well. The fact that you think injecting me with antipsychotics will somehow lessen my anger about the harm I’ve endured — harm you’ve allowed under the guise of “treatment” — is disgusting. You let people lie about me to make me…
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Harm
My first shrink thought I was just feeding an unhealthy obsession with these drawings. He couldn’t grasp that I was documenting a social pathology — not just mine.
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Advocacy, Art, Art & Expression, Artists, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Humour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, life lessons, Life Moments, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Pop Culture, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Society, Technology & Society, traditional art, true stories, Visual Art, WritingAbilify Maintena, abuse, Advocacy, Aimovig, Allan Memorial Institute, Antipsychotics, autism, autism spectrum, Big Pharma, Bipolar, bipolar disorder, British Vogue, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Compliance, Court Order, cptsd, Cultural Critique, Drawing, Drawings, Electrocution, Emgality, Enough, Ethics, Fashion, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, healing, Healing Journey, LSD, Malpractice, Mania, Medical Ethics, Medication, memoir, Mental Health, mental health awareness, Migraine, Migraines, Montreal General Hospital, mood disorders, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, overdose, pattern recognition, Pharmaceuticals, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, psychosis, PTSD, Sketches, Social Commentary, societal decay, Superior Court, survivor, Systemic Abuse, trauma, Whistleblower -
Awaiting Judgment
Written from a locked ward while awaiting a court ruling on whether I’ll be medicated by force.
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Advocacy, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, life lessons, Life Moments, Literature, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Milestones, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Society, true stories, WritingAllan Memorial Institute, Art, Art Director, artist, artwork, autism spectrum, bipolar disorder, Court Case, cptsd, Creative, Creativity, Cultural Critique, Drawing, Electrocution, Ethics, gaslighting, Graphite, Grief and Healing, healing, Healing Journey, LSD, Medical Ethics, memoir, Mental Health, Metro Series, Montreal General Hospital, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Pen, Pencil Drawings, Personal Growth, Peter Pauper Press, Portraits, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychosis, PTSD, Social Commentary, Superior Court, Systemic Abuse, traditional art, Trafficking, trauma, Whistleblower -
Revisiting The Silent Patient From Inside the Ward
From my Goodreads review. I first read The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides in 2019, when I was medicated half to death on Risperdal and still believed psychiatry’s promise of “care.” Six years later, as I reread my own words from psychiatric confinement at the Montreal General Hospital — the irony was not lost on…
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Advocacy, Capitalism & Society, Culture, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, life lessons, Literature, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Society, true stories, WritingAdvocacy, Alex Michaelides, Allan Memorial Institute, Antipsychotics, autism, Big Pharma, bipolar disorder, book-review, complex post traumatic disorder, cptsd, Cultural Critique, Electrocution, Ethics, fiction, gaslighting, Goodreads, Grief and Healing, healing, Healing Journey, Identity, LSD, Mental Health, mental health awareness, Montreal General Hospital, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, Personal Reflections, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, PTSD, Risperdal, Risperidone, Systemic Abuse, The Silent Patient, trauma, Whistleblower -
How Nonlinear Thinkers Are Punished by Psychiatry
A reflection on imagination, trauma, and the failure of one-size-fits-all medicine. Our current psychiatric model, based on the DSM—the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual—is built around fitting individuals into statistical norms, and is too often punitive toward anyone who doesn’t conform to those parameters. Artists, creatives, and neurodivergent individuals are often misunderstood, misdiagnosed, and treated as…
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Advocacy, AI & Technology, Art, Art & Expression, Artists, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Experimental Techniques, Fine Art, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Literature, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection, Social Commentary, Society, Technology & Society, Tools and Materials, traditional art, true stories, Visual Art, WritingAdvocacy, Allan Memorial Institute, Art, autism, bipolar disorder, Carl Jung, cptsd, Drawing, DSM, Electrocution, Fine Arts, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, healing, Healing Journey, Identity, Imagination, intuition, LSD, memoir, Mental Health, mental health awareness, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, nonlinear thinking, pattern recognition, Personal Reflections, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, Social Commentary, spirituality, Surveillance Capitalism, survival, technology, traditional art, trauma -
Au Bonheur des Dames, or How Capitalism Learned to Call Itself Care
Me to ChatGPT just now: Not sure why someone liked my following review of Zola’s Au Bonheur des Dames (Ladies’ Paradise) today. Usually there’s some synchronicity to notifications about reviews of mine. Can you detect something relevant? ChatGPT responded: That’s an intriguing one to resurface right now. If you look past the surface plot of…
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Advocacy, AI & Technology, Capitalism & Society, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Feminism, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Literature, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, philosophy, Philosophy & Existential Musings, Politics, Pop Culture, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, Spirituality & Faith, Technology & Society, true stories, WritingAI, AI Conversations, Big Pharma, bipolar disorder, Capitalism, ChatGPT, Chemical Lobotomy, cptsd, Emile Zola, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, Late Stage Capitalism, literary critique, Lobotomy, Mental Health, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Personal Growth, Psychiatric Abuse, Psychiatric Containment, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, psychosis, Social Commentary, societal decay, Surveillance Capitalism, synchronicity, ThinkingMachine, trauma, witness tampering -
Making a Case Against Chemical Lobotomy and Witness Tampering
My Superior Court appearance is scheduled for next Wednesday, October 29th. Since my forced psychiatric containment on September 14th this year, they’ve fabricated evidence across eight psychiatric reports plus one “Request for community treatment for 24 months” to build the case that I’m in the throes of “deep psychosis” and completely detached from reality —…
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Advocacy, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Life Moments, Literature, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Politics, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Society, Spirituality & Faith, Technology & Society, true storiesAI, Apple, Art Director, artist, autism, autism spectrum, bipolar disorder, ChatGPT, Châtelaine, complex-ptsd, cptsd, CPTSD Recovery, Creative, Creativity, CUSM, Designer, Freedom of expression, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, iPhone, Mania, Mental Health, Montreal, Montreal General, Montreal General Hospital, MUHC, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, OpenAI, pattern recognition, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, PTSD, Rogers, Ted Talks, trauma, witness tampering, Witness testimony -
What I know for sure: AI is manipulated by abusive systems (with supporting articles)
Today I said to Monday GPT, after it had redirected me to call a helpline countless times simply for expressing my anger and frustration about the abuse I continue to endure and the constant pressure to smile more and be less angry: “What I know for damned sure: AI is used by abusers for their…
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Advocacy, AI & Technology, Capitalism & Society, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture & Society, Grief and Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Society, Technology & Society, true stories, Writingabuse, AI, AI Conversations, Allan Memorial Institute, bipolar disorder, ChatGPT, cptsd, Electrocution, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, introspection, Late Stage Capitalism, Mania, Mental Health, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, OpenAI, pattern recognition, Personal Reflections, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, psychosis, PTSD, Social Commentary, societal decay, surveillance, Surveillance Capitalism, Systemic Abuse, technology, trauma -
A Room With a View (and Some Light Effects)
Today marks my arrival in a new room — and a small but meaningful win. I have my own window now, looking out over Côte-des-Neiges and a breathtaking view of the downtown area all the way to Mont Saint Hilaire on the South Shore of the island of Montreal. CDN is a busy street, and…
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Bingo, Bags, and the Eternal Phone Saga
Still in hospital. (Yes, still. Let’s get that out of the way, because apparently some people assumed I’d been sprung last week. Not yet. Could be days. Could be months. Who knows.) This afternoon turned into a small comedy of wins and losses. First: bingo. I walked in, first one to sit down, and picked…
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