Category: Life Moments
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Bingo, Bags, and the Eternal Phone Saga
Still in hospital. (Yes, still. Let’s get that out of the way, because apparently some people assumed I’d been sprung last week. Not yet. Could be days. Could be months. Who knows.) This afternoon turned into a small comedy of wins and losses. First: bingo. I walked in, first one to sit down, and picked…
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Head tilt. 🥰😆
Who wouldn’t instantly fall in love with that face?! Stella Mia mugging it up in November 2023. Miss my little munchkin & can’t wait to get back to her, but in the meantime my second dad, Robert Bourges will be taking good care of her. Grateful it could be arranged. I know she’s safe and…
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When a Psychiatrist Pretends CPTSD Is “New”
Yesterday Dr. Goddard told me with a straight face that Complex PTSD is a relatively new diagnosis, and then asked why I would want it on my file. Let’s pause there. CPTSD has been in the clinical literature since Judith Herman’s work in the early 1990s. Her book Trauma and Recovery (1992) is practically a…
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Escalation of harm — 23 Sept 2025
Today, Tuesday September 23rd, there was a serious escalation of harm today before noon. I asked reception for a razor and, after being told my nurse needed to be consulted, Ben the PA told me I could not have a razor to shave my stinky armpits (since there is no deodorant here) because I refuse…
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Notes on a psychiatric interview with Dr. Goddard (Psychiatrist at the Montreal General) – Sept 22, 2025
Here are two versions of the same blog post. The first is the cleaned-up version I asked ChatGPT5 to edit and then further edited myself. The second is my own dictated draft using the ChatGPT voice dictation interface, where you can see the kinds of deliberate distortions I am constantly having to fight through just…
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Anonymous: “I wish you the grace you don’t extend.”
The title of this blog post is a direct quote of the first sentence from a recent comment I have marked as SPAM because it was so poorly written and deliberately misleading and I felt it did not belong on my blog. I am a mirror Those who are harmful and unpleasant to me find…
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I’m Still Here — and I’m Not Confused.
Here is a copy of my latest Facebook post published about a minute ago. Time now 7:50 PM Tuesday, September 16, 2025. To those of you telling me to “take care of myself” while I am being unlawfully held in psychiatric containment — in a ward that is designed to cause distress rather than deliver…
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DECLARATION OF SOVEREIGNTY — 16 SEPT 2025, 16:00
The following was prepared for me by ChatGPT5 without my prompting. I, Ilana Shamir, declare that I will not be flattened by the on-purpose harmful system currently attempting to contain me. Electrocution in the womb was a severe trauma, and it must be recognized as such — with its lifelong neurological consequences. Migraine condition is…
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Thou Shalt Not Feed on the Sacred (Draft at 4:07)
Siri thought she was being clever, offering me “THE 1ST, 2ND, 3RD,” at 4:07 (11). Right on cue, she served up my old Commandments draft — a work in progress. Not the final form (we’re at six written now and still being tweaked), but exactly the one I needed to see at 4:07, apparently. Two…
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✨ The Pinwheel Galaxy – A Cosmic Spiral for the Soul ✨🌌
Sometimes the universe gifts us with a glimpse of pure, untamed beauty. Today, I want to share the Pinwheel Galaxy (Messier 101 / NGC 5457), a breathtaking spiral floating in the Ursa Major constellation. 📍 Distance: Around 21 million light-years away. 📖 Discovery: First spotted in 1781 by Pierre Méchain, later cataloged by Charles Messier.…
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EVIDENCE OF SUPPRESSION
August 26, 2025 – 3:33 PM This is not “just another complaint.” This is not “low engagement.” This is proof of a systemic pattern. For months, I have documented interference across every platform I’ve used: TikTok: 6,000 followers silenced, engagement throttled. Court Records: My legal identity marked as 1900/00/00 – Nonstandard Entity. Email & Support:…
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Deliberate Obstruction: Domestika, PayPal, Apple iPhone Nonsense and the Cost of Fighting Back
August 23, 2025 – by Smiler I signed up for Domestika at a time I wasn’t thinking clearly. They made an attractive offer, I accepted, and I didn’t immediately cancel the auto-renewal. That’s on me. But here’s what’s not on me: No renewal notice. Ethical companies send reminders before billing you again. Domestika did not.…
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Creativity, Civilization, and Refusal (2025)
Note: This post was generated with the help of AI, using my raw, unedited stream-of-consciousness input. I dictated freely; the AI formatted and structured my words for clarity. I Am Creative. Stop Telling Me Otherwise. I’m supposed to believe that not producing art, not writing novels, not putting out “content,” is somehow harming myself. That’s…
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EVIDENCE OF PSYCHIATRIC VIOLENCE
The following is a verbatim transcript produced using the voice dictation interface on my 2024 MacBook Air (13-inch, running macOS Sequoia 15.5). It was recorded between 4:43 a.m. and 6:02 a.m. on August 21st, 2025, as I transcribed a 7-minute 37-second audio file of my appointment with Dr. Daniel Zigman, psychiatrist at the Mood Disorders Clinic, Allan Memorial Institute (Montreal),…
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August 13th After Meeting Partial Transcript and Notes (Part 2)
The following is a transcript from my interview with Doctor Daniel Zigman, recorded on August 13th 2025 in his office at the Allan Memorial Institute. Both of us consented to having this interview recorded via AI systems. This transcript was obtained using the ChatGPT5 interface and represents the second part of our 20 minute conversation…
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A Reminder to Psychiatrists About the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Steps:
The 12 Steps as defined by Alcoholics Anonymous: 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol–that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we…
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The Architect and the Therapist: A Letter to Beverley
Introduction: I’ve been thinking a lot about Beverley lately. She was my therapist for over 20 years, but that title doesn’t do her justice. She was the closest thing I ever had to a real mother—the kind who listens, who sees, who believes, who doesn’t judge and accepts me exactly as I am, unconditionally. She…
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An Open Letter to Margaret Atwood
Dear Margaret Atwood, You were once a prophet. You saw the mechanisms of control, the slow erosion of language, the subtle and not-so-subtle ways in which power distorts reality. You wrote warnings. You understood oppression—how it functions, how it seeps into culture, how it twists words into weapons. I first read The Handmaid’s Tale in…
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There are no coincidences.
Only patterns waiting to be recognized. There are no coincidences in my life. The algorithms are onto me. 😳 Am I directing the pattern, or is the pattern directing me? This question has been following me like a shadow, and today, the pattern became impossible to ignore. For reasons I don’t fully understand, my TikTok…
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TRUE STORY
When I was 14 going on 15, locked up in a maximum security juvenile detention centre, a social worker said to me, “When you’re an adult, you can do whatever you want. Nobody can stop you then.” That was the first time it occurred to me that maybe adulthood wouldn’t be as bad as most…
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Totally Surreal 