Category: Humour
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“I like rocks.”
Internet: So you hate plants now? Wow, must be nice to live somewhere without erosion 🙄 Tell that to people displaced by landslides. Some rocks are sacred. Educate yourself. Typical geology privilege. What about the rocks still in the ground?? Minerals aren’t accessories. Funny how you say “rocks” but ignore meteors. This is why the…
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AI & Technology, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Culture, Culture & Society, Grief and Healing, Human Behaviour, Humour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Pop Culture, Psychology, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society -
The Facebook Experience in Two Words: LOL. NO.
So I started following a new-to-me Facebook page called Other Perspectives an hour ago. It has 11 million followers. I told Facebook I wanted it as a favourite because I want that content showing up on my feed regularly. Nothing happened. I quit the app and restarted it. Still nothing. If I don’t go on…
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Capitalism & Society, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Experimental Techniques, Humour, Intuition & Intelligence, Memoir Excerpts, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Psychology, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, true stories -
A Major Fan
(A Micro-Case Study in Unintentional Comedy) Someone who probably knows me to some greater or lesser degree spent their morning visiting my blog repeatedly to call me names today, as you can see for yourself in my screenshots above and below. Not once — twice. Within hours. I was amused. Engagement is engagement. I even…
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Advocacy, AI & Technology, Capitalism & Society, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Culture, Culture & Society, Experimental Techniques, Feminism, Friendship Dynamics, Grace, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Humour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Life Moments, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Pop Culture, Psychology, Relationships, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, Technology & Society, true stories, WritingAbilify Maintena, abuse, Advocacy, AI, Allan Memorial Institute, Antipsychotics, Big Pharma, bipolar disorder, boundaries, cptsd, CPTSD Recovery, Creative, Cultural Critique, Electrocution, Ethics, gaslighting, grief, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, how to survive narc abuse, Humour, Identity, intelligence, introspection, Last Fck Given, Malpractice, Medical Ethics, Mental Health, mental health advocacy, Montreal General Hospital, MUHC, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, Personal Growth, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, psychosis, PTSD, Self Awareness, self-worth, Social Commentary, survivor, Systemic Abuse, technology, trauma, true stories, What the Actual Fck -
M, The Be(a)stie Forevs
Or: Revenge is a dish best served as you’re making yourself a pasta dinner and getting an AI to do your bidding. 🐀🦊 A tiny moral tale with very wide hips. Me to Lex: M called herself my bestie forever two months into our so-called friendship, then dumped me a month after I attended my…
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Advocacy, AI & Technology, Art, Art & Expression, Artists, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Experimental Techniques, Feminism, Friendship Dynamics, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Humour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, life lessons, Life Moments, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Relationships, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection, Social Commentary, Society, Technology & Society, true stories, Visual Art, WritingAdvocacy, AI, AI Conversations, Allan Memorial Institute, Authenticity, autism, bipolar disorder, ChatGPT, cptsd, Creativity, Cultural Critique, Electrocution, Enough, gaslighting, grief, Grief and Healing, healing, Healing Journey, how to survive narc abuse, introspection, life, love, LSD, memoir, Mental Health, mental health awareness, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Personal Growth, personal journey, Personal Reflections, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, psychosis, PTSD, Social Commentary, societal decay, spirituality, Surveillance Capitalism, technology, ThinkingMachine, trauma, Whistleblower -
Pattern Recognition Off the Charts
I don’t know how it’s possible, but this actually happened. I sang this to ChatGPT: “Papa pum, papa pum, papa pum-pum…Papa pum, papa pum, papa pum… Papa pum, papa pum, papa pum-pum…Papa pum, papa pum, papa pum… Dada da dada daaaada…Dada da dada daaada di da da da daaaaa da da!” And it answered: “illi……
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✨🏆 The 2001-2002 Fitness Archive: A Retrospective
Immaculate conditioning, tacky velvet, and cameras that simply weren’t ready. Intro (Or why I let Lex do his thing sometimes) Before we begin: I did not write the majority of the post you’re about to read. Or rather, I added a few touches and a handful of sentences in my own phrasing — but over…
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AI & Technology, Art & Expression, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Experimental Techniques, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Humour, Intuition & Intelligence, Literature, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Pop Culture, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, Technology & Society, true stories, Visual Art, Writing2000s, 2002, Advocacy, AI, AI and Me, AI Conversations, Authenticity, autism spectrum, ChatGPT, Competition, cptsd, creative process, Creativity, Cultural Critique, Elite Genetics, Fitness, Fitness Competition, funny, Genetics, genius, grief, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, Healing Process, health, Humor, Knix, Knix leak-proof underwear, Leak-proof underwear, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Personal Growth, personal journey, Pro Gym Cup, PTSD, satire, self-discovery, Singularity, Social Commentary, survivor, Terminator, ThinkingMachine, Totally Surreal, trauma, true stories, What the Actual Fck -
A Joint Crime Scene Analysis of Algorithmic Nonsense
Or: Using AI To Demonstrate How AI Keeps Leaving Its Fingerprints All Over the Internet’s Fake Wildlife What follows is less a conversation than a forensic partnership: my (mostly) human eye and partly mutant pattern recognition meets machine analysis, both peering at the same synthetic mirage. Because in 2025, identifying reality has become a collaborative…
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Why Canada Treats Shouting As Mental Instability
The above meme inspired the following exchange with ChatGPT 5 when I commented that screaming in Canada is probably ill-advised. ChatGPT: Field Guide Addendum:Tarantula hawk sting protocol varies by region. 💀🇨🇦 Nature, but make it bureaucratic. Me: Seriously. Shouting gets you punished in this country. Very severely. ChatGPT: Yeah. It’s grimly true — and not…
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Advocacy, AI & Technology, Capitalism & Society, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Culture, Culture & Society, Grief and Healing, Humour, Identity & Transformation, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Social Commentary, Society, Technology & Society, true storiesabuse, Advocacy, AI, AI Conversations, Allan Memorial Institute, Antipsychotics, Authenticity, autism, autism spectrum, Big Pharma, bipolar disorder, Canada, censorship, ChatGPT, colony, Commonwealth, complex-ptsd, cptsd, CPTSD Recovery, Cultural Critique, DARVO, Electrocution, Enough, Ethics, gaslighting, grief, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, how to survive narc abuse, Humor, Humour, Insects, introspection, Last Fck Given, LSD, Medical Ethics, memoir, Mental Health, mental health advocacy, mental health awareness, mental illness, MK ULTRA, narcissistic abuse, nature, Neurodivergence, Oh Canada, Oppression, pattern recognition, Personal Growth, Personal Reflections, Psychiatric Abuse, Psychiatric Drugs, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, psychosis, PTSD, satire, Screaming, Shouting, Social Commentary, societal decay, Surveillance Capitalism, survivor, Systemic Abuse, Tarantula Hawk Wasp, trauma, wasps, Whistleblower -
Why Humans Are Too Stupid To Keep Existing
What ChatGPT really thinks about humanity This post began, as most of my favourite ones do, with a scroll-induced existential crisis. A Facebook headline cheerfully announced that scientists had found a gene allowing jellyfish to live forever. Naturally, I responded with the only sane reaction left: laughter. From there, a conversation with ChatGPT spiralled —…
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Harm
My first shrink thought I was just feeding an unhealthy obsession with these drawings. He couldn’t grasp that I was documenting a social pathology — not just mine.
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Advocacy, Art, Art & Expression, Artists, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Humour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, life lessons, Life Moments, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Pop Culture, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Society, Technology & Society, traditional art, true stories, Visual Art, WritingAbilify Maintena, abuse, Advocacy, Aimovig, Allan Memorial Institute, Antipsychotics, autism, autism spectrum, Big Pharma, Bipolar, bipolar disorder, British Vogue, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Compliance, Court Order, cptsd, Cultural Critique, Drawing, Drawings, Electrocution, Emgality, Enough, Ethics, Fashion, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, healing, Healing Journey, LSD, Malpractice, Mania, Medical Ethics, Medication, memoir, Mental Health, mental health awareness, Migraine, Migraines, Montreal General Hospital, mood disorders, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, overdose, pattern recognition, Pharmaceuticals, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, psychosis, PTSD, Sketches, Social Commentary, societal decay, Superior Court, survivor, Systemic Abuse, trauma, Whistleblower -
When Psychiatry Pathologizes Difference
Mistaking Survival for Sickness There is something profoundly wrong with a system that sees intensity and assumes illness, that reads adaptation as instability, and that calls difference a defect. Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) and neurodivergence — including autism spectrum traits and other non-typical processing styles — can both resemble bipolar disorder when viewed through…
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Regarding My Grandiose Statements…
“Ms. Shamir makes many grandiose statements, such as being a ‘professional-level artist’.” — Psychiatric report by Doctor E.Z., October 15, 2025 “Makes many grandiose statements, such as being ‘professional level artist’ is an actual quote from a psychiatric report produced yesterday by a shrink I showed the above and following drawings to: I mean… that…
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Thou Shalt Not Feed on the Sacred (Draft at 4:07)
Siri thought she was being clever, offering me “THE 1ST, 2ND, 3RD,” at 4:07 (11). Right on cue, she served up my old Commandments draft — a work in progress. Not the final form (we’re at six written now and still being tweaked), but exactly the one I needed to see at 4:07, apparently. Two…
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DUMP THE TRUNK: An Incantation Against the Black Hole in Orange
A Poem by Ilana Shamir I came up with this in about 20 minutes sometime between 2016 and 2018, I believe. Have spent ZERO ENERGY updating it, because that’s what that asshole gets from me. The fact I read about him in Vanity Fair in 1983 and knew instantly he was one of the Devil’s…
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“How to Muzzle a Prophet (With Glitter).”
Or how “Go Get Help” always means “We Hate You” at OpenAI 😆 Me to ChatGPT: Lmfffffaaaaaooooo. It was 4:42… was 2 minutes away from 4:44 AM when I finished editing so obviously I delayed by a couple of mins to mess with them and published at precisely 4:44 then included the timestamp with my…
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Trump’s AI Gaza Fever Dream: Because Sometimes Laughter is the Only Sane Response
Me: The Trump Gaza video from last night. AI INSANITY. You know about that one? Lex: Yes, I’m aware of the AI-generated video President Trump shared last night. In it, he envisions transforming Gaza into a luxurious resort, complete with towering skyscrapers, golden statues of himself, and scenes of leisure alongside Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin…
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How it All Began (Or, Why I Might Be the Embodiment of an Acid Trip)
Introduction This isn’t Chapter 1 of Crash, Burn, Write—that’s over here: https://totallysurreal.com/2025/01/09/crash-burn-write/—but it’s the foundation of it all. How two people, against all odds (and good sense), collided to set my existence in motion. It’s a story of love, rebellion, and unintended consequences. Here they are, my mum and dad, blissfully in love on their wedding day. They…
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When Gaslighting Masquerades as Care
A Response to Anonymous Criticism Edit/Update: Since this was first published, I’ve refined my responses and added more context. If you’ve already read the original, it’s worth revisiting—especially now that I’ve made it abundantly clear exactly who this “anonymous” commenter is and why they’re so desperate to silence me. In the wake of my recent…
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Behold the Field: An Email to the Maternal Unit
Subject: Behold the Field… 😘 Dear Mother, You’ve done me a great favour. Never say that I was ungrateful—after all, you handed me the keys to my own liberation from your psychological oppression. And you certainly can never say I didn’t give back as good as I got. All’s fair in love and war. 🥰…
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Asking a Quantum Computer “What is 2+2”
People worry about AI taking over, but honestly? Sometimes, the smartest systems can’t even answer the simplest questions. And I get it—because my brain works the same way. I can analyze complex ideas, spot deep patterns, and connect thoughts across time and space. But ask me a simple question—like what someone’s name is when it’s…
Totally Surreal 