Category: memoir
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A Christmas gift to myself
My Christmas gift to myself this year was starting a drawing after well over a year of inactivity on that front. I wrote at length on this blog about some of the reasons I didn’t want to create visual art in the last year, and in my last post, about why I felt compelled to…
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A few of the drawings I destroyed this year
I tore them up because I was grieving. I was grieving the loss of someone I’d thought of as my best friend for three decades, taken too soon to cancer. Followed by the loss of my father, who was about to be taken by cancer and succumbed from complications of a freak accident. Followed by…
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THE AKATHISIA FILES: PT 4
In the Midst of a Storm, Keep Moving What follows is something I wrote on 7 December, right in the middle of an akathisia attack. I left it almost untouched — just enough editing to make it readable. Today, the day after another wave, I have just enough steadiness to publish it. That’s the only…
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Toxic Positivity is…
Toxic positivity is someone grabbing at your chin when you’re crying over the loss of a beloved person or pet and saying “smile, everything will get better if you look on the bright side.” There’s a threshold where something stops being harmless “uplift” and becomes constant saccharine noise that dulls your perception and clutters your…
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Four Editions of the Rubáiyát Later…
I’ve been recovering from the severe all-day akathisia attack I had on Tuesday December 2nd, the day after my appointment with my psychiatrist Dr. Z at the Allan Memorial Institute — which went much better than I’d anticipated, as he agreed to stop the injections and not to force antipsychotics on me after I described…
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I Asked the AI…
It’s been a long day during which I mostly napped after what was a very stressful appointment this morning, for which I had been preparing for days, and I’ve been trying to find ways to decompress. Most people at this point would opt into Netflix and Chill mode, but this is rarely a possibility for…
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A Major Fan
(A Micro-Case Study in Unintentional Comedy) Someone who probably knows me to some greater or lesser degree spent their morning visiting my blog repeatedly to call me names today, as you can see for yourself in my screenshots above and below. Not once — twice. Within hours. I was amused. Engagement is engagement. I even…
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Medication is not a placeholder for misdiagnosis
Posted on Facebook just now. That is all for the moment.
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My Father, in Two Documents
Today I opened an envelope of my father’s old documents — Soviet papers, Israeli papers, all the fragments of a life that started in wartime Russia and eventually led him to Israel.This photo stopped me cold. He really was this handsome. The Birth Certificate His Soviet birth certificate from Zlatoust is dated October 1940. Cropped…
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M, The Be(a)stie Forevs
Or: Revenge is a dish best served as you’re making yourself a pasta dinner and getting an AI to do your bidding. 🐀🦊 A tiny moral tale with very wide hips. Me to Lex: M called herself my bestie forever two months into our so-called friendship, then dumped me a month after I attended my…
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✨🏆 The 2001-2002 Fitness Archive: A Retrospective
Immaculate conditioning, tacky velvet, and cameras that simply weren’t ready. Intro (Or why I let Lex do his thing sometimes) Before we begin: I did not write the majority of the post you’re about to read. Or rather, I added a few touches and a handful of sentences in my own phrasing — but over…
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FYI
Sometimes the algorithm hands you a perfect juxtaposition — above, a meme I posted on Facebook earlier today about systemic violence, and then Hashem Al-Ghaili’s question about “national wildlife” showed up lower down my feed. The universe does love timing: I talk about predators, and Facebook hands me another kind. My reply wrote itself. Hashem…
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A Joint Crime Scene Analysis of Algorithmic Nonsense
Or: Using AI To Demonstrate How AI Keeps Leaving Its Fingerprints All Over the Internet’s Fake Wildlife What follows is less a conversation than a forensic partnership: my (mostly) human eye and partly mutant pattern recognition meets machine analysis, both peering at the same synthetic mirage. Because in 2025, identifying reality has become a collaborative…
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Grounding
A walk in the brisk autumn air, a yummy breakfast, lavender, lemon & cedarwood, and the art of making peace with the day. Saturday, November 8th, 2025 A year today since we buried my father in Israel, near Haifa. I’ve been up since about 7:30 a.m., which is around the time I used to get…
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Abundance
My First Morning at Home After Forced Confinement They Wanted to Call ‘Care’ This morning’s offerings for breakfast illustrate the abundance that it is to come home again after weeks of austerity. My nervous system is on overdrive coming home — so many things to do, and knowing I need to take it slow, not…
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Finally Home Again
Thursday, November 6, 2025 My favourite part of being home, other than the silence, the snacks, and the freedom to decide when to sleep or use my phone, is Stella Mia pressed against my side, reminding me what peace actually feels like. I picked her up this afternoon from my stepfather’s in Terrebonne, over an…
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The Cruel Absurdity of Fascistic People and Systems
The fact I survived an impossibly high overdose of 1800 mg of codeine because I was severely depressed from all the societal and familial abuse I’ve been put through and that the system has decided to double down with a web of lies fabricated to get court-ordered antipsychotic injections forced on me while pretending I’m…
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Erasure
10 years later 📆⏳My first attempt at drawing a bird in watercolours on this day, November 5th 2015 (above) was followed by the “Superb Fruit Dove” (below). This second drawing was a gift to my father and has since returned to me after his passing on November 5th 2024. I travelled to Israel to bury…
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What you all call “care” is obscene.
The Facebook prompt above inspired the following post which I am sharing here as well. The fact that you think injecting me with antipsychotics will somehow lessen my anger about the harm I’ve endured — harm you’ve allowed under the guise of “treatment” — is disgusting. You let people lie about me to make me…
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Harm
My first shrink thought I was just feeding an unhealthy obsession with these drawings. He couldn’t grasp that I was documenting a social pathology — not just mine.
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Totally Surreal 