Category: Memoir Excerpts
-
An Open Letter to Margaret Atwood
Dear Margaret Atwood, You were once a prophet. You saw the mechanisms of control, the slow erosion of language, the subtle and not-so-subtle ways in which power distorts reality. You wrote warnings. You understood oppression—how it functions, how it seeps into culture, how it twists words into weapons. I first read The Handmaid’s Tale in…
Smiler
Advocacy, Art, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Feminism, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, life lessons, Life Moments, Literature, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Philosophy & Existential Musings, Politics, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Society, true stories, WritingAlias Grace, Atwood’s hypocrisy, betrayal, Cat’s Eye, censorship, conformity, control, cultural decay, Dystopia, erasure, feminist dystopia, feminist literature, fiction as warning, Folio Society, gender politics, Goodreads, Hag-Seed, Handmaid’s Tale, ideology, illi, illi69, intellectual dishonesty, Lady Oracle, language manipulation, LibraryThing, literary analysis, literary critique, Literature, MaddAddam (first two books), manipulation of language, Margaret Atwood, modern feminism, narrative control, open letter., Orwellian, Oryx and Crake, Positron, postmodernism, power, Prophecy, speculative fiction, Stone Mattress, storytelling, Surfacing, The Blind Assassin, The Edible Woman, The Handmaid’s Tale, The Penelopiad, The Robber Bride, thought control, truth, Wilderness Tips, Writing -
There are no coincidences.
Only patterns waiting to be recognized. There are no coincidences in my life. The algorithms are onto me. 😳 Am I directing the pattern, or is the pattern directing me? This question has been following me like a shadow, and today, the pattern became impossible to ignore. For reasons I don’t fully understand, my TikTok…
Smiler
AI & Technology, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Grief & Healing, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Life Moments, Literature, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Metaphysics, Milestones, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Philosophy & Existential Musings, Psychology, Self Awareness, Spirituality & Faith, Technology & Society, true stories -
Nuclear wastelands
Saying that my mother’s side of the family is toxic is like saying nuclear waste is merely an “unpleasant” byproduct. They’re giving me fantastic material, though—so let it never be said that I’m not grateful for their contributions. This memoir of mine—Crash Burn Write—is writing itself in real time. It won’t just be unputdownable. It’ll…
-
Spirituality Isn’t Psychosis
Some of Seriously You Owe Me an Apology What I find incredible about today’s society is this: you can be open about almost any behaviour or identity and it’ll be defended in the name of personal freedom—but express genuine spiritual beliefs outside of organised religion, and suddenly it’s pathologised. Suddenly, you’ve for sure experienced psychotic…
Smiler
Advocacy, Art, Art & Expression, Artists, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Experimental Techniques, Fine Art, Friendship Dynamics, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, life lessons, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Metaphysics, Milestones, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Philosophy & Existential Musings, Psychology, Relationships, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, Spirituality & Faith, Studio Life, traditional art, true stories, Visual Art, Writingabstract art, Advocacy, Art, Authenticity, boundaries, Capitalism, cptsd, Crash, Burn, Write., Cultural Critique, deep thinking, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, Healing Process, Inner Peace, Last Fck Given, Life Transitions, Mental Health, mental health awareness, Neurodivergence, psychological abuse, Self Awareness, self-discovery, self-expression, self-worth, Social Media, traditional art, What the Actual Fck -
Creature from the Deep: A Manifesto
I woke up in the middle of the night to drink a sip of water and am fuming. Absolutely furious. I have no idea what I was dreaming about but I certainly do know what I’ve been posting about all over my socials over the weekend which—to sum it up in one sentence is—let me…
Smiler
Art, Art & Expression, Artists, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Culture & Society, Feminism, Fine Art, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Politics, Psychology, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection, Social Commentary, Society, Spirituality & Faith, traditional art, Visual Art, Writingartist’s journey, artistic expression, autism, bilingualism, bipolar disorder, boundaries, cptsd, creative process, creative resilience, criticism, defiance, Drawing, emotional expression, Fine Art, Identity, Identity Politics, Ilana Shamir, individuality, ink, ink drawing, Kraken myth, language and culture, memoir, mental health advocacy, My Octopus Teacher, Neurodivergence, octopus intelligence, Personal Growth, personal manifesto, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological warfare, PTSD, Quebec, self-advocacy, self-identity, Self-Reflection, social expectations., subconscious mind, symbols, technology, Visual Art, Writing -
Hypomania? Or Just Advocacy?
Introduction: At my last psych appointment, my shrink decided I might be hypomanic. Why? Because I read from highly organized notes while advocating for myself, spoke quickly (because I had a lot to get through in a short time), and defended my choice to write and share my memoir publicly. Apparently, being prepared and assertive…
-
Why y’all so BOTHERED about how I choose to live my life?
It’s uncanny, really. In just half a day, half a dozen people who know me in real life have offered their unsolicited opinions on how I should direct my energy (tone it down), what I should focus on (my artwork), and how I should live my life (quietly, without ruffling any feathers). All of them…
Smiler
Advocacy, Art, Art & Expression, Artists, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Fine Art, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, Visual Art, Writing -
TRUE STORY
When I was 14 going on 15, locked up in a maximum security juvenile detention centre, a social worker said to me, “When you’re an adult, you can do whatever you want. Nobody can stop you then.” That was the first time it occurred to me that maybe adulthood wouldn’t be as bad as most…
Smiler
Advocacy, AI & Technology, Art, Art & Expression, Artists, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Experimental Techniques, Feminism, Fine Art, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Life Moments, Literature, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Metaphysics, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, philosophy, Philosophy & Existential Musings, Politics, Pop Culture, Psychology, Relationships, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, Spirituality & Faith, Technology & Society, traditional art, true stories, Writing -
How it All Began (Or, Why I Might Be the Embodiment of an Acid Trip)
Introduction This isn’t Chapter 1 of Crash, Burn, Write—that’s over here: https://totallysurreal.com/2025/01/09/crash-burn-write/—but it’s the foundation of it all. How two people, against all odds (and good sense), collided to set my existence in motion. It’s a story of love, rebellion, and unintended consequences. Here they are, my mum and dad, blissfully in love on their wedding day. They…
Smiler
AI & Technology, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Grief and Healing, Humour, Identity & Transformation, Life Moments, Literature, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mercurial Minds, Metaphysics, Milestones, Modern Identity, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Reflections, Pop Culture, Relationships, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Spirituality & Faith, true stories, Writing1960s, 1968, 1969, AI, AI Conversations, artificial-intelligence, Chatbot Interactions, Crash Burn Write, family history, free love, Hallicunogenics, hinduism, interfaith marriage, Jewish identity, LSD, meditation, memoir, mindfulness, Montreal, origin story, rebellion, Relationships, spirituality, unconventional love, yoga -
When Gaslighting Masquerades as Care
A Response to Anonymous Criticism Edit/Update: Since this was first published, I’ve refined my responses and added more context. If you’ve already read the original, it’s worth revisiting—especially now that I’ve made it abundantly clear exactly who this “anonymous” commenter is and why they’re so desperate to silence me. In the wake of my recent…
Smiler
Advocacy, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture & Society, Grief and Healing, Human Behaviour, Humour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, true storiescomplex ptsd, cptsd, emotional abuse, gaslighting, Healing Journey, memoir writing, mental health advocacy, mental health awareness, mental health stigma, mental health system reform, narcissistic abuse, online harassment, psychiatric system, psychological abuse, self-advocacy, survivor empowerment, survivor stories, systemic failure, toxic relationships, trauma recovery, trauma survivors -
Veal Brains and Other Acquired Tastes
⚠️ Trigger warning: abuse, exploitation, societal complicity. I just found this FB post from 2021—my year of major mania (or whatever that reaction to complex post-traumatic events was)—under my #HowToSurviveNarcAbuse tag. Definitely a story for my memoir Crash, Burn, Write as a standalone vignette. ✍️ Can you believe I shared this on FB and it…
Smiler
Advocacy, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Memoir Excerpts, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Self-Reflection, Social Commentary, Society, true stories, Writing -
Behold the Field: An Email to the Maternal Unit
Subject: Behold the Field… 😘 Dear Mother, You’ve done me a great favour. Never say that I was ungrateful—after all, you handed me the keys to my own liberation from your psychological oppression. And you certainly can never say I didn’t give back as good as I got. All’s fair in love and war. 🥰…
Smiler
Advocacy, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture & Society, Feminism, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Humour, Identity & Transformation, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mercurial Minds, Milestones, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Politics, Pop Culture, Psychology, Relationships, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, Spirituality & Faith, Writingaccountability, breaking cycles, breaking the silence, Crash, Burn, Write., emotional abuse, gaslighting, Healing Journey, how to survive narc abuse, Last Fck Given, narcissistic abuse recovery, psychological abuse, reclaim your voice, speak your truth, stop narc abuse, survivor strong, thinking machine, Totally Surreal Blog, toxic family, trauma survivor, What the Actual Fck -
Re: Oh no you don’t
Mommy Dearest has fired off a response. Classic narcissistic deflection. ✔ Slander me. ✔ Make me seem unstable. ✔ Gaslight. ✔ Blame me. ✔ Defend the indefensible. ✔ Play the victim. Verbatim, no edits. Read for yourself. Oh yes I do, Ilana. I certainly will inform my friends that the person they met this summer or this fall is going through another bout…
-
War
This is the email I just sent my mother after she blocked me for calling out her gaslighting and psychological abuse. She decided to frame herself as the victim. Of course she did. As all narcissistic abusers do. It’s the old playbook. They NEVER deviate from it. I posted something on Facebook today, and I’m almost certain she must have seen it.…
-
GI Jane with a Side of Cheesecake
There was a time when my body was my armour—when muscle was my strategy, and discipline was my religion. This was my GI Jane era, where strength wasn’t just aesthetic, it was the point. Every rep, every controlled movement, every precise angle in this photo speaks to that version of me: the woman who saw…
Smiler
Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Identity & Transformation, Life Moments, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mercurial Minds, Milestones, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Pop Culture, Self Awareness, true stories, Writing -
Don’t Look Down
(Or: How a Tightrope Walker Manages Not to Fall) Earlier today, I dropped two password-protected chapters from my memoir-in-progress, Crash, Burn, Write. These chapters, Into the Den and The Blue Butterfly, are part of a section called Advice from a Caterpillar. They cover just a few days within a pivotal three-week period—a time that shaped…
Smiler
AI & Technology, Art, Change and Transformation, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Creativity, Grief and Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, life lessons, Literature, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Self-Reflection, Spirituality & Faith, Technology & Society, true stories, Visual Art, Writingadvanced reader, AI, artificial intelligence, balance, blog, ChatGPT, Creative Writing, deep thinking, engagement, fear, graphic novel, Identity, introspection, life, literary memoir, Literature, love, memoir, memory, Mental Health, nonlinear narrative, OpenAI, personal history, philosophy, processing the past, Psychology, resilience, risk-taking, Self-Reflection, storytelling, survival, ThinkingMachine, tightrope walker, trauma, trust, Writing -
Advice from a Caterpillar
Chapter 6: Into the Den The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence: at last, the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice. “Who are you?” said the Caterpillar. “I—I hardly know, sir, just at present—at least I know who I was when I…
Smiler
Art & Expression, Change and Transformation, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Grief and Healing, Identity & Transformation, Life Moments, Literature, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mercurial Minds, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Reflections, true stories, WritingAI art, Autobiography, blog, ChatGPT, convicts, cptsd, Crash, Burn, Write., gaslighting, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, how to survive narc abuse, Identity, ink, memoir, Mental Health, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Personal Growth, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, runaway, Social Commentary, tattoo, tattoos, teenager, trauma, triggering -
The Impossible Landing That Shouldn’t Have Happened… But Did.
I just saw a video about the Cat Righting Reflex Theory, explaining how cats can twist in midair to land on their feet; a mystery scientists puzzled over for years until high-speed cameras captured it in action. Watching that, I couldn’t help but think of something that happened to me. A fall that defied physics. A…
Smiler
Crash, Burn, Write., Life Moments, Memoir Excerpts, Personal Essays, Personal Reflections, Philosophy & Existential Musings, true storiescat righting reflex, Catwoman, DC Comics, glitch in the matrix, impossible fall, near miss, perception and reality, Personal Experiences, philosophy, physics, physics defying moment, quantum mechanics, Quantum Weirdness, quantum-physics, reality glitch, Schrödinger’s cat, science, Strange Phenomena, Supernatural, survival stories, unexplained experiences, unexplained physics -
Everything In Its Right Place: Chapters 1-6
A wise woman once said “fuck this shit” and she lived happily ever after– Anonymous It wasn’t until last night, as I was drafting this section of my autobiography, that I fully understood how much the dissonance of those days mirrored Radiohead’s “Everything In Its Right Place.” The song’s droning rhythm and quiet tension matched…
Smiler
Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Creativity, Grief and Healing, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, WritingAllan Memorial Institute, cptsd, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Electrocution, Family, fiction, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, how to survive narc abuse, Last Fck Given, love, LSD, memoir, Mental Health, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Personal Growth, Psychiatric Abuse, psychological abuse, Social Commentary, societal decay, trauma -
Charley and Mimi: A Tale of Love and Loss
The comic strip above says “I’ll get my revenge on him”.In my case, it’s most definitely a “HER.” I tried to put this behind me. I’ve rebuilt my life in many ways, and I now have a wonderful companion in Stella Mia, who brings me love and joy every day. I knew it was a…
Totally Surreal 