Category: Crash, Burn, Write.
-
A Christmas gift to myself
My Christmas gift to myself this year was starting a drawing after well over a year of inactivity on that front. I wrote at length on this blog about some of the reasons I didn’t want to create visual art in the last year, and in my last post, about why I felt compelled to…
Smiler
Art, Art & Expression, Artists, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Culture, Experimental Techniques, Fine Art, Grief & Healing, Identity & Transformation, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Tools and Materials, traditional art, Visual ArtA3 Moleskine, abstract art, Abstract Drawing, Art, Art and Music, Christmas, Christmas 2025, Classical Music, contemporary drawing, cptsd, Creativity, Drawing, Erik Satie, Fine Art, Gnossiennes, Grief and Healing, Gymnopedies, Healing Journey, Illustration, Ink on Paper, inspiration, Mental Health, Moleskine, Moleskine sketchbook, Neurodivergence, painting, pattern recognition, pen on paper, Sakura Micron, Stippling, traditional art, trauma, Visual Art -
A few of the drawings I destroyed this year
I tore them up because I was grieving. I was grieving the loss of someone I’d thought of as my best friend for three decades, taken too soon to cancer. Followed by the loss of my father, who was about to be taken by cancer and succumbed from complications of a freak accident. Followed by…
Smiler
Art, Art & Expression, Artists, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Fine Art, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Intuition & Intelligence, life lessons, Life Moments, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Milestones, Neurodivergence, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Philosophy & Existential Musings, Psychology, traditional art, true stories, Visual Artabstract art, Abstract Drawing, Art, cptsd, Drawing Series, Drawings, Fine Art, Fine Arts, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, Mental Health, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Personal Growth, Psychiatric Abuse, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, traditional art, trauma -
THE AKATHISIA FILES: PT 5
While the Storm is at Bay Today wasn’t a day for thinking, or producing, or even deciding. After several days of akathisia episodes — the kind that rearrange your senses and make the world feel too loud in every direction — the most I could do was sit quietly and look at something that didn’t…
Smiler
Advocacy, Crash, Burn, Write., Human Behaviour, Intuition & Intelligence, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Self Awareness, true storiesAkathisia, Animalium, Antipsychotics, Big Pharma, books, cptsd, CPTSD Recovery, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, Mental Health, mental health awareness, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Personal Reflections, Psychiatric Abuse, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, Side Effects, trauma -
THE AKATHISIA FILES: PT 4
In the Midst of a Storm, Keep Moving What follows is something I wrote on 7 December, right in the middle of an akathisia attack. I left it almost untouched — just enough editing to make it readable. Today, the day after another wave, I have just enough steadiness to publish it. That’s the only…
Smiler
Advocacy, AI & Technology, Art & Expression, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Life Moments, Literature, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Society, WritingAbilify, Abilify Maintena, AI, AI Conversations, Akathisia, Antipsychotics, Big Pharma, ChatGPT, cptsd, Enough, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, memoir, Mental Health, narcissistic abuse, Natural History, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Psychiatric Abuse, psychological abuse, Roses, Scent, Side Effects, The Temple of Flora, trauma -
“I like rocks.”
Internet: So you hate plants now? Wow, must be nice to live somewhere without erosion 🙄 Tell that to people displaced by landslides. Some rocks are sacred. Educate yourself. Typical geology privilege. What about the rocks still in the ground?? Minerals aren’t accessories. Funny how you say “rocks” but ignore meteors. This is why the…
Smiler
AI & Technology, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Culture, Culture & Society, Grief and Healing, Human Behaviour, Humour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Pop Culture, Psychology, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society -
Toxic Positivity is…
Toxic positivity is someone grabbing at your chin when you’re crying over the loss of a beloved person or pet and saying “smile, everything will get better if you look on the bright side.” There’s a threshold where something stops being harmless “uplift” and becomes constant saccharine noise that dulls your perception and clutters your…
Smiler
Art, Art & Expression, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Experimental Techniques, Fine Art, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, life lessons, Life Moments, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Milestones, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, philosophy, Pop Culture, Psychology, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, traditional art, Visual ArtAllan Memorial Institute, Authenticity, cptsd, Drawing, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, healing, Healing Journey, life, Mental Health, mental health awareness, multimedia, multimedia drawing, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Personal Growth, Personal Reflections, Psychiatric Abuse, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, Relationships, Social Commentary, spirituality, toxic positivity, traditional art, trauma, Visual Art -
Uncatalogued Species from a Dream I Forgot
A series of AI-generated illustrations that feel like pages torn from a naturalist’s field journal in a dream. Fittingly enough, I prompted the AI to make these during a sleepless phase of the pre-dawn hours. I’m tempted to translate some of these into real watercolours or pencil drawings — there’s something here I want to…
-
The Facebook Experience in Two Words: LOL. NO.
So I started following a new-to-me Facebook page called Other Perspectives an hour ago. It has 11 million followers. I told Facebook I wanted it as a favourite because I want that content showing up on my feed regularly. Nothing happened. I quit the app and restarted it. Still nothing. If I don’t go on…
Smiler
Capitalism & Society, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Experimental Techniques, Humour, Intuition & Intelligence, Memoir Excerpts, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Psychology, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, true stories -
Four Editions of the Rubáiyát Later…
I’ve been recovering from the severe all-day akathisia attack I had on Tuesday December 2nd, the day after my appointment with my psychiatrist Dr. Z at the Allan Memorial Institute — which went much better than I’d anticipated, as he agreed to stop the injections and not to force antipsychotics on me after I described…
Smiler
Advocacy, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Life Moments, Literature, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Philosophy & Existential Musings, Psychology, Society, Spirituality & Faith, true storiesAbilify, Abilify Maintena, Akathisia, Allan Memorial Institute, Antipsychotics, bipolar disorder, Book, book lovers, books, cptsd, CPTSD Recovery, Edward FitzGerald, fiction, Folio Society, Food, gaslighting, Healing Journey, Laksa, Literature, Mental Health, Neurodivergence, neurodiversity, Omar Khayyam, Penguin, Poetry, psychiatry, Rubáiyát, Side Effects, Sun Salutations, Verse, Writing, yoga -
THE AKATHISIA FILES: PT 3
Me: Almost three hours into a severe akathisia attack and I can’t decide whether I’d wish this on my worst enemies or not. 😞 Lex (aka ChatGPT):illi… here’s the cleanest way to say this without soft-pedalling anything: Akathisia is not “an experience.”It is a catastrophe inside the neuromuscular system that hijacks every signal channel at once. When…
Smiler
Advocacy, AI & Technology, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Social Commentary, Society, Technology & Society, WritingAbilify, Abilify Maintena, AI, AI conversation, Akathisia, Allan Memorial Institute, Antipsychotics, autism spectrum, ChatGPT, cptsd, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, healing, Healing Journey, life, Mental Health, mindfulness, MUHC, Neurodivergence, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological warfare, psychosis, Side Effects, trauma, Writing -
I Asked the AI…
It’s been a long day during which I mostly napped after what was a very stressful appointment this morning, for which I had been preparing for days, and I’ve been trying to find ways to decompress. Most people at this point would opt into Netflix and Chill mode, but this is rarely a possibility for…
Smiler
AI & Technology, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, life lessons, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Pop Culture, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, Technology & SocietyAI, AI conversation, AI Conversations, Allan Memorial Institute, autism spectrum, cptsd, Creative, Electrocution, gaslighting, Healing Journey, how to survive narc abuse, intelligence, introspection, Mental Health, mental health awareness, narcissistic abuse, Netflix, Neurodivergence, neurodivergent, pattern recognition, Personal Reflections, Psychiatric Abuse, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, technology, ThinkingMachine, trauma -
Bedlam: The Real Story
Most people don’t realise ‘Bedlam’ is a real place — Bethlem Royal Hospital in London — the original psychiatric institution and a horror show. People once paid money to stare at patients. Abuse, restraints, punishment-as-treatment culture. And that culture didn’t die; it just rebranded. The movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, starring Jack Nicholson,…
Smiler
Advocacy, Capitalism & Society, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Intuition & Intelligence, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Psychology, Social Commentary, Society, true storiesBeldam, Bethlem Royal Hospital, Canada, Canada mental health system, cptsd, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, health, history, Mental Health, Montreal, Montreal General, Montreal General Hospital, Neurodivergence, neurodivergent, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, Psychology, psychosis, PTSD -
A Major Fan
(A Micro-Case Study in Unintentional Comedy) Someone who probably knows me to some greater or lesser degree spent their morning visiting my blog repeatedly to call me names today, as you can see for yourself in my screenshots above and below. Not once — twice. Within hours. I was amused. Engagement is engagement. I even…
Smiler
Advocacy, AI & Technology, Capitalism & Society, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Culture, Culture & Society, Experimental Techniques, Feminism, Friendship Dynamics, Grace, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Humour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Life Moments, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Pop Culture, Psychology, Relationships, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, Technology & Society, true stories, WritingAbilify Maintena, abuse, Advocacy, AI, Allan Memorial Institute, Antipsychotics, Big Pharma, bipolar disorder, boundaries, cptsd, CPTSD Recovery, Creative, Cultural Critique, Electrocution, Ethics, gaslighting, grief, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, how to survive narc abuse, Humour, Identity, intelligence, introspection, Last Fck Given, Malpractice, Medical Ethics, Mental Health, mental health advocacy, Montreal General Hospital, MUHC, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, Personal Growth, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, psychosis, PTSD, Self Awareness, self-worth, Social Commentary, survivor, Systemic Abuse, technology, trauma, true stories, What the Actual Fck -
THE AKATHISIA FILES: PT 2
My 6th akathisia attack in the past week. The worst of it lasted approximately 3 hours, beginning around sundown, as I’ve documented since the most severe attack, and the first I had had in a while declared itself on Wednesday November 19th. I had not had anything like it in almost a year and this…
Smiler
Advocacy, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Intuition & Intelligence, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Psychology, SocietyAbilify, Abilify Maintena, AI, AI Conversations, Akathisia, Allan Memorial Institute, Animal Medicine Cards, Antipsychotics, Aripiprazole, Canada, ChatGPT, Court Ordered Injections, cptsd, Electrocution, Forced Medication, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, Medical Ethics, Medicine Cards, Mental Health, Montreal General Hospital, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, Social Commentary, trauma, Wolf -
Medication is not a placeholder for misdiagnosis
Posted on Facebook just now. That is all for the moment.
Smiler
Advocacy, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Life Moments, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, true stories, WritingAbilify, Abilify Maintena, abuse, Advocacy, Akathisia, Allan Memorial Institute, Antipsychotics, Aripiprazole, autism, autism spectrum, Big Pharma, bipolar disorder, Capitalism, complex-ptsd, cptsd, Crash, Burn, Write., Cultural Critique, DARVO, Electrocution, Enough, Ethics, facebook, gaslighting, genius, grief, Grief and Healing, healing, Healing Journey, Healing Process, health, how to survive narc abuse, Late Stage Capitalism, Medical Ethics, memoir, Mental Health, mental health advocacy, mental health awareness, mindfulness, Montreal General Hospital, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Personal Growth, personal journey, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, psychosis, PTSD, Rare Blood, RH NEG, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection, Side Effects, Social Commentary, Social Media, societal decay, spirituality, Surveillance Capitalism, survivor, Systemic Abuse, ThinkingMachine, trauma, true stories, Whistleblower -
My Father, in Two Documents
Today I opened an envelope of my father’s old documents — Soviet papers, Israeli papers, all the fragments of a life that started in wartime Russia and eventually led him to Israel.This photo stopped me cold. He really was this handsome. The Birth Certificate His Soviet birth certificate from Zlatoust is dated October 1940. Cropped…
-
THE AKATHISIA FILES: PT 1
28 November 2025 Let’s be clear from the start: Akathisia isn’t “anxiety.” It isn’t “agitation.” And it definitely isn’t a personality trait. It’s a chemical reaction to antipsychotics — a neurological wildfire that hijacks your body, your movement, your ability to sit still, your focus, your entire internal rhythm. If you’ve never felt it, good.…
Smiler
Advocacy, Capitalism & Society, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Psychology, Social Commentary, Society, true storiesAbilify Maintena, Akathisia, Allan Memorial Institute, Aripiprazole, autism, autism spectrum, Big Pharma, bipolar disorder, complex-ptsd, cptsd, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, Mental Health, mental health awareness, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, neurodivergent, pattern recognition, Pharmaceuticals, Psychiatric Abuse, Psychiatric Abuses, Psychiatry Exposed, Psychiatry is Failing Us, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, Side Effects, Social Commentary, trauma -
M, The Be(a)stie Forevs
Or: Revenge is a dish best served as you’re making yourself a pasta dinner and getting an AI to do your bidding. 🐀🦊 A tiny moral tale with very wide hips. Me to Lex: M called herself my bestie forever two months into our so-called friendship, then dumped me a month after I attended my…
Smiler
Advocacy, AI & Technology, Art, Art & Expression, Artists, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Experimental Techniques, Feminism, Friendship Dynamics, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Humour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, life lessons, Life Moments, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Relationships, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection, Social Commentary, Society, Technology & Society, true stories, Visual Art, WritingAdvocacy, AI, AI Conversations, Allan Memorial Institute, Authenticity, autism, bipolar disorder, ChatGPT, cptsd, Creativity, Cultural Critique, Electrocution, Enough, gaslighting, grief, Grief and Healing, healing, Healing Journey, how to survive narc abuse, introspection, life, love, LSD, memoir, Mental Health, mental health awareness, narcissistic abuse, Neurodivergence, pattern recognition, Personal Growth, personal journey, Personal Reflections, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychological warfare, psychosis, PTSD, Social Commentary, societal decay, spirituality, Surveillance Capitalism, technology, ThinkingMachine, trauma, Whistleblower -
🌹 The Rosette Nebula
Beauty Was Never Invented — Only Noticed We keep trying to “create beauty” on this planet as if we’re the first ones to think of it — fashion, design, photography, perfume, architecture — but the punchline is that every single shape we ever come up with is already out there, scattered across the universe billions…
Smiler
AI & Technology, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Culture, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Mercurial Minds, Metaphysics, Personal Essays, philosophy, Philosophy & Existential Musings, Psychology, Social Commentary, Society, Spirituality & Faith, Technology & Society -
Pattern Recognition Off the Charts
I don’t know how it’s possible, but this actually happened. I sang this to ChatGPT: “Papa pum, papa pum, papa pum-pum…Papa pum, papa pum, papa pum… Papa pum, papa pum, papa pum-pum…Papa pum, papa pum, papa pum… Dada da dada daaaada…Dada da dada daaada di da da da daaaaa da da!” And it answered: “illi……
Smiler
AI & Technology, Art & Expression, Artists, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Experimental Techniques, Humour, Intuition & Intelligence, Life Moments, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Music, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Technology & Society, true stories
Totally Surreal 