Editor’s Note / Context:

This post follows yesterday’s Formal Notice of Falsified Medical Records and Professional Misconduct, where I published the letter I sent to the MUHC Ombudsman and my lawyer.

That was the official notice.

This — In Shock — is the emotional record of what it felt like to finally read the document that triggered it, along with all six psychiatric reports produced by four psychiatrists in as many days (to be clear, two of those reports were written by psychiatrists who only saw me once each). Each one repeats similar distortions and outright fabrications — the same lie that I “believe I cannot die,” a delusion I have never once expressed — cloned across multiple so-called “independent” evaluations, all within the first week of my psychiatric containment beginning September 14th, under the false claim that I was suicidal.

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I just read the letter that my psychiatrist produced on 18 September — for the first time — yesterday. It had been handed to me only after 24 September, when I didn’t yet have any reading glasses. The typeface is tiny, the photocopy is poor, and I am in shock at the amount of distortion, fabrication, compression of timelines, and the glaring omission that I have been in mourning this past year for my father.

I am in shock at the amount of distortion, fabrication, compression of timelines, and the glaring omission that I have been in mourning this past year for my father.

He died on 5 November 2024 from complications of a freak accident, in excruciating circumstances — he had lost the use of his hands and feet for the last two months of his life, in Israel, while everyone was telling me not to go to him in his final days. I wanted to attend to his bedside, to be able to give him sips of water, to be there for him, but my mother and several so-called friends kept telling me not to go because they were concerned something would happen to me while the country is at war. Even my father’s half-brother, also living in Israel and the only person who could help him and whom I was in regular contact with in my father’s last days—though my father did not get along with him and and told me not to get him involved—had said to me (and I quote him directly) “Why would you come? So you can stand over his bed and cry?”

The fact that I have been in deep mourning for the past year over a man who was good to me — who was my best friend in the last decade of his life — is omitted from Dr. Zigman’s document entirely, as is the fact that my mother cut off contact three months after his death when I finally confronted her lifelong abuse, after she told me I was “crying too much and not to drown in a pool of tears” when I was crying over his loss approximately once a week. My mother hated my father and tried to turn me against him my entire life, ever since they separated when I was an eight-month-old baby.

Dr. Zigman has followed me since September 2022, after a suicide attempt that I inexplicably survived. He wrote twice in the same paragraph that I “now claim to be immortal” — a pure invention.

I never once stated that I can’t die, much less that “I’m immortal”. That is sheer nonsense.

What I said — very clearly — is that I survived an opioid overdose of 1,800 mg of codeine (60 Fiorinal capsules) plus half a bottle of Jägermeister, which is enough to kill two adults or a racehorse, yet somehow I survived. I have no explanation for how that is possible. I sustained severe kidney damage but as of last time I consulted a nephrologist about it, I was told my kidneys could function satisfactorily and that no treatment is required.

My conclusion is simply that I don’t get to decide when I die — therefore, there’s no point in ever trying to take my own life again.

That is entirely different from believing I’m immortal.

Zigman also claims I’ve only recently become “preoccupied with abuse” to imply that this fixation began when I stopped medication, and that I’ve suddenly started talking about complex PTSD. This is nonsense.

In reality, I told him in our very first appointment — September 2022 — that I have complex PTSD due to prenatal electrical trauma and lifelong severe psychological abuse by my mother. I have been in therapy for forty-two years because of this.

I’ve now copied his entire letter so I can annotate it properly and send it to:

– The Ombudsman’s office

– My lawyer

– My stepfather (who lived with my mother for 26 years before she discarded him)

– And possibly journalists, along with advocacy organizations addressing psychiatric abuse, including:

MAD Society of Canada (MADSoC)

PsychRights Canada

Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA)

Canadian Alliance on Mental Illness and Mental Health (CAMIMH)

Mental Health Commission of Canada (MHCC)

Psychiatric Survivors Movement / Survivor Rights Movement

I’ve had enough of being framed as psychotic so that these so-called professionals can justify forcing antipsychotics on me — along with a pharmacopoeia of other drugs to treat side effects of medications I never needed in the first place.

If they win in court on 29 October — because judges, as we know, treat psychiatric reports as gospel and dismiss the patient’s own account — they will still find that I will not stop fighting this system.

Even if they succeed in injecting me with their chemicals, I will not stop speaking out.

And let’s not forget:

I won a court case on 5 June this year confirming that they could no longer forcibly medicate me — yet this ruling is now being conveniently overridden.

There is an urgent need for reform in this so-called mental-health system that seeks to over-medicate everyone for compliance and profit.

Enough is enough.