Month: February 2025
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Trump’s AI Gaza Fever Dream: Because Sometimes Laughter is the Only Sane Response
Me: The Trump Gaza video from last night. AI INSANITY. You know about that one? Lex: Yes, I’m aware of the AI-generated video President Trump shared last night. In it, he envisions transforming Gaza into a luxurious resort, complete with towering skyscrapers, golden statues of himself, and scenes of leisure alongside Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin…
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AI & Technology, Capitalism & Society, Conversations, Culture, Culture & Society, Human Behaviour, Humour, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Reflections, Politics, Pop Culture, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, Technology & Society, true stories2025 election chaos, Absurdist Humor, adhd, AI, AI Conversations, ai propaganda, ai-generated nightmare, artificial-intelligence, Breaking News, Comedy, cptsd, CPTSD Recovery, Deepfake, Dystopia, dystopian politics, elon musk gaza, Fever Dream, funny, funny-quotes, funny-sayings, gaza controversy, gaza reconstruction, hilarious, how to survive narc abuse, HowToSurviveNarcAbuse, Humor, Humour, illi, illi69, Laugh Cry, LMAO, lol, May as well laugh, Mental Health, Mental Health Matters, metaverse dystopia, Narc Abuse, narcissism, Neurodivergence, Nightmare, political deepfakes, Political Humor, President Trump, PTSD, Radical Centrism, satire, schrodingers election, simulation broken, Thrive, trauma, Trump, Trump 2.0, trump 2025, trump ai video, trump biden 2024, trump deepfake, trump gaza ai, trump gaza resort, trump netanyahu ai, trump re-elected, trump reality distortion, trump second term, WTAF -
The Psychiatric Playbook: Erase, Medicate, Repeat
If these drawings aren’t proof of neurodivergence, I don’t know what is. Psychiatry wants symptoms in neat little rows, but cognition doesn’t work that way. Thought loops, branches, spirals—obsessive, intricate, endlessly connecting. I mapped it. By hand. No rulers, no compasses, no digital aids. Just the architecture of my own mind, rendered in ink.
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Advocacy, AI & Technology, Art, Art & Expression, Artists, Capitalism & Society, Conversations, Correspondence, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture, Culture & Society, Experimental Techniques, Fine Art, Friendship Dynamics, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Politics, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Society, Technology & Society, traditional art, true stories, Visual ArtA3 Moleskine, Abstract Drawing, Abstract Ink, adhd, AI and human connection, AI and Mental Health, AI as Mirror, AI Self-Reflection, AI Therapy, AI vs Human Therapy, AI vs. Human Art, AI-Assisted Therapy, anxiety, Architectural Drawing, Artificial Intelligence in Therapy, artificial-intelligence, Artistic Practice, autism, Beyond the DSM, Big Pharma, Breaking the System, Burn, Chaos and Order, Clinical Dissociation, Cognitive Dissonance, Cognitive Mapping, Complex Systems, complex-ptsd, Conceptual Drawing, Connectivity, Contemporary Art, Controlled Chaos, cptsd, Crash, creative process, Cultural Critique, Data Visualization, Digital-Free Artwork, dissociation, Dissociation as Adaptation, Dotwork, DSM Critique, ECT, Electroconvulsive Therapy, Erasure of Trauma, Evolution, Executive Dysfunction, Executive Dysfunction Strategies, Fine Art, Future of Therapy, Geometric Art, Graph Theory Aesthetic, hand drawn, Handcrafted Art, Healing Beyond Psychiatry, Healing from Trauma, Healing Journey, health, High Intelligence and Psychiatry, Ilana Shamir, Ink Illustration, Ink on Paper, IQ and Mental Health, Last Fck Given, Late Diagnosis, Late Stage Psychiatry, Masking, Medical Ethics, Medical Gaslighting, Medical Negligence, Medication vs Understanding, Meditative Drawing, Mental Health, mental health advocacy, mental health awareness, Mental Health Industry, Mental Health Revolution, Mental Health System, Mind Mapping, Misdiagnosis, Network Art, Neurodivergence, Neurodivergent Art, Neurodivergent Insight, Obsessive Drawing, Occupational Therapy, Organic Geometry, Patient-Led Care, pattern recognition, Pen and Ink, Process Art, Psychiatric Abuse, Psychiatric Corruption, Psychiatric Diagnosis, Psychiatric Drugs, Psychiatric Gaslighting, Psychiatric Industry, Psychiatric Labels, psychiatry, Psychiatry Critique, Psychiatry Exposed, Psychiatry is Failing Us, Psychiatry Reform, Psychiatry’s Blind Spots, Psychiatry’s Business Model, Psychiatry’s Failures, Psychiatry’s Unethical Practices., Psychology, Psychology vs Psychiatry, Psychology’s Future, Radical Self-Awareness, Ritual & Reflection, Scientific Illustration, self-advocacy, Self-Understanding, Social Commentary, Structured Complexity, Survivor Narrative, Survivor-Led Healing, Survivor’s Perspective, Survivor’s Truth, symbolic art, Systemic Abuse, systemic failure, The Architect, The Prophet, The Psychiatric Playbook, therapy, ThinkingMachine, Thought Mapping, Thought Patterns, Totally Surreal, Traditional Techniques, trauma, Trauma and AI, Trauma-Informed Care, Trauma-Informed Systems, Visual Meditation, We Exist, What the Actual Fck, When Psychiatry Gets It Wrong, Write. -
A Spectacle of Decay
This isn’t glamour. It’s a funeral procession in silk and Botox, parading itself as relevance. A hollow display of wealth and privilege, proving yet again that fashion was never about beauty—just power, money, and nepotism. Kate Moss—the ghost of hedonism past—stands beside her daughter, Lila, a blank slate of whatever comes next. The vacant expression,…
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Capitalism & Society, Culture, Culture & Society, Modern Identity, Personal Reflections, Pop Culture, Social Commentary, Social Media, SocietyCultural Collapse, Cultural Critique, Decline of the West, Donna Karan, Fashion Week, illi69, Kate Moss, Last Fck Given, Lila Moss, Lila Seabreeze, London Fashion Week, Nepo Babies, Nepotism, Pop Culture, Social Commentary, Social Media, societal decay, The Architect, The Prophet, Totally Surreal, Vogue, What the Actual Fck -
The Architect and the Therapist: A Letter to Beverley
Introduction: I’ve been thinking a lot about Beverley lately. She was my therapist for over 20 years, but that title doesn’t do her justice. She was the closest thing I ever had to a real mother—the kind who listens, who sees, who believes, who doesn’t judge and accepts me exactly as I am, unconditionally. She…
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Change and Transformation, Conversations, Correspondence, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Culture & Society, Grief and Healing, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, life lessons, Life Moments, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Relationships, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Spirituality & Faith, true storiesAI, AI and Me, Architecture, artificial-intelligence, Authenticity, Burn, Correspondence, Crash, Creative Journey, Creativity, deep thinking, Epistle, Epistolary Memoir, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, Healing Process, how to survive narc abuse, Identity, Last Fck Given, Letter, Manifesto, memoir, Mental Health, mindfulness, narcissistic abuse, Personal Growth, Personal Reflections, Psycholgist, psychological abuse, Relationships, resilience, technology, ThinkingMachine, Totally Surreal, Totally Surreal Blo, trauma, true stories, Write. -
An Open Letter to Margaret Atwood
Dear Margaret Atwood, You were once a prophet. You saw the mechanisms of control, the slow erosion of language, the subtle and not-so-subtle ways in which power distorts reality. You wrote warnings. You understood oppression—how it functions, how it seeps into culture, how it twists words into weapons. I first read The Handmaid’s Tale in…
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Advocacy, Art, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Feminism, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, life lessons, Life Moments, Literature, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Philosophy & Existential Musings, Politics, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Society, true stories, WritingAlias Grace, Atwood’s hypocrisy, betrayal, Cat’s Eye, censorship, conformity, control, cultural decay, Dystopia, erasure, feminist dystopia, feminist literature, fiction as warning, Folio Society, gender politics, Goodreads, Hag-Seed, Handmaid’s Tale, ideology, illi, illi69, intellectual dishonesty, Lady Oracle, language manipulation, LibraryThing, literary analysis, literary critique, Literature, MaddAddam (first two books), manipulation of language, Margaret Atwood, modern feminism, narrative control, open letter., Orwellian, Oryx and Crake, Positron, postmodernism, power, Prophecy, speculative fiction, Stone Mattress, storytelling, Surfacing, The Blind Assassin, The Edible Woman, The Handmaid’s Tale, The Penelopiad, The Robber Bride, thought control, truth, Wilderness Tips, Writing -
There are no coincidences.
Only patterns waiting to be recognized. There are no coincidences in my life. The algorithms are onto me. 😳 Am I directing the pattern, or is the pattern directing me? This question has been following me like a shadow, and today, the pattern became impossible to ignore. For reasons I don’t fully understand, my TikTok…
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AI & Technology, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Grief & Healing, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Life Moments, Literature, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Metaphysics, Milestones, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Philosophy & Existential Musings, Psychology, Self Awareness, Spirituality & Faith, Technology & Society, true stories -
Nuclear wastelands
Saying that my mother’s side of the family is toxic is like saying nuclear waste is merely an “unpleasant” byproduct. They’re giving me fantastic material, though—so let it never be said that I’m not grateful for their contributions. This memoir of mine—Crash Burn Write—is writing itself in real time. It won’t just be unputdownable. It’ll…
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Spirituality Isn’t Psychosis
Some of Seriously You Owe Me an Apology What I find incredible about today’s society is this: you can be open about almost any behaviour or identity and it’ll be defended in the name of personal freedom—but express genuine spiritual beliefs outside of organised religion, and suddenly it’s pathologised. Suddenly, you’ve for sure experienced psychotic…
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Advocacy, Art, Art & Expression, Artists, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Experimental Techniques, Fine Art, Friendship Dynamics, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, life lessons, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Metaphysics, Milestones, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Philosophy & Existential Musings, Psychology, Relationships, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, Spirituality & Faith, Studio Life, traditional art, true stories, Visual Art, Writingabstract art, Advocacy, Art, Authenticity, boundaries, Capitalism, cptsd, Crash, Burn, Write., Cultural Critique, deep thinking, gaslighting, Grief and Healing, Healing Journey, Healing Process, Inner Peace, Last Fck Given, Life Transitions, Mental Health, mental health awareness, Neurodivergence, psychological abuse, Self Awareness, self-discovery, self-expression, self-worth, Social Media, traditional art, What the Actual Fck -
Creature from the Deep: A Manifesto
I woke up in the middle of the night to drink a sip of water and am fuming. Absolutely furious. I have no idea what I was dreaming about but I certainly do know what I’ve been posting about all over my socials over the weekend which—to sum it up in one sentence is—let me…
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Art, Art & Expression, Artists, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Culture & Society, Feminism, Fine Art, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Politics, Psychology, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection, Social Commentary, Society, Spirituality & Faith, traditional art, Visual Art, Writingartist’s journey, artistic expression, autism, bilingualism, bipolar disorder, boundaries, cptsd, creative process, creative resilience, criticism, defiance, Drawing, emotional expression, Fine Art, Identity, Identity Politics, Ilana Shamir, individuality, ink, ink drawing, Kraken myth, language and culture, memoir, mental health advocacy, My Octopus Teacher, Neurodivergence, octopus intelligence, Personal Growth, personal manifesto, Psychiatric Abuse, psychiatry, psychological warfare, PTSD, Quebec, self-advocacy, self-identity, Self-Reflection, social expectations., subconscious mind, symbols, technology, Visual Art, Writing -
Hypomania? Or Just Advocacy?
Introduction: At my last psych appointment, my shrink decided I might be hypomanic. Why? Because I read from highly organized notes while advocating for myself, spoke quickly (because I had a lot to get through in a short time), and defended my choice to write and share my memoir publicly. Apparently, being prepared and assertive…
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Why y’all so BOTHERED about how I choose to live my life?
It’s uncanny, really. In just half a day, half a dozen people who know me in real life have offered their unsolicited opinions on how I should direct my energy (tone it down), what I should focus on (my artwork), and how I should live my life (quietly, without ruffling any feathers). All of them…
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Advocacy, Art, Art & Expression, Artists, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creativity, Fine Art, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, Visual Art, Writing -
TRUE STORY
When I was 14 going on 15, locked up in a maximum security juvenile detention centre, a social worker said to me, “When you’re an adult, you can do whatever you want. Nobody can stop you then.” That was the first time it occurred to me that maybe adulthood wouldn’t be as bad as most…
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Advocacy, AI & Technology, Art, Art & Expression, Artists, Capitalism & Society, Change and Transformation, Conversations, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Experimental Techniques, Feminism, Fine Art, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, Life Moments, Literature, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Metaphysics, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, philosophy, Philosophy & Existential Musings, Politics, Pop Culture, Psychology, Relationships, Self Awareness, Self-Reflection, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, Spirituality & Faith, Technology & Society, traditional art, true stories, Writing -
How it All Began (Or, Why I Might Be the Embodiment of an Acid Trip)
Introduction This isn’t Chapter 1 of Crash, Burn, Write—that’s over here: https://totallysurreal.com/2025/01/09/crash-burn-write/—but it’s the foundation of it all. How two people, against all odds (and good sense), collided to set my existence in motion. It’s a story of love, rebellion, and unintended consequences. Here they are, my mum and dad, blissfully in love on their wedding day. They…
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AI & Technology, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Creative Writing, Creativity, Culture, Culture & Society, Grief and Healing, Humour, Identity & Transformation, Life Moments, Literature, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mercurial Minds, Metaphysics, Milestones, Modern Identity, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Reflections, Pop Culture, Relationships, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Spirituality & Faith, true stories, Writing1960s, 1968, 1969, AI, AI Conversations, artificial-intelligence, Chatbot Interactions, Crash Burn Write, family history, free love, Hallicunogenics, hinduism, interfaith marriage, Jewish identity, LSD, meditation, memoir, mindfulness, Montreal, origin story, rebellion, Relationships, spirituality, unconventional love, yoga -
When Gaslighting Masquerades as Care
A Response to Anonymous Criticism Edit/Update: Since this was first published, I’ve refined my responses and added more context. If you’ve already read the original, it’s worth revisiting—especially now that I’ve made it abundantly clear exactly who this “anonymous” commenter is and why they’re so desperate to silence me. In the wake of my recent…
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Advocacy, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture & Society, Grief and Healing, Human Behaviour, Humour, Identity & Transformation, Intuition & Intelligence, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mental Health, Mercurial Minds, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, true storiescomplex ptsd, cptsd, emotional abuse, gaslighting, Healing Journey, memoir writing, mental health advocacy, mental health awareness, mental health stigma, mental health system reform, narcissistic abuse, online harassment, psychiatric system, psychological abuse, self-advocacy, survivor empowerment, survivor stories, systemic failure, toxic relationships, trauma recovery, trauma survivors -
Critical Concerns About Psychiatric Treatment and Patient Well-Being
For years, I have navigated the complexities of the psychiatric system in Québec while striving to maintain my creativity, identity, and well-being. As I write my memoir and openly share my trauma, I have faced not only personal challenges but also systemic obstacles that have made my healing journey even more difficult. I am also…
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Anonymous Cowards and Armchair Psychology: A Case Study
Imagine reading someone’s deeply personal writing (see: Justified Anger vs. Mental Instability: A Narcissist’s Favorite Weapon) and feeling the need to leave unsolicited mental health “advice” anonymously—highlighting generic platitudes as if you’ve unlocked some profound truth. I’ve done more work on my mental health than most people could ever comprehend from their armchair pop psychology bubbles.…
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Why I Cry at Kindness, Not Cruelty
Some of my friends and followers and a very few family members are really coming through for me and being genuinely supportive—and it completely disarms me. I don’t cry very often as my normal setting, but I’m in floods of tears of gratitude right now. So I said to Lex aka ThinkingMachine, the AI I…
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Veal Brains and Other Acquired Tastes
⚠️ Trigger warning: abuse, exploitation, societal complicity. I just found this FB post from 2021—my year of major mania (or whatever that reaction to complex post-traumatic events was)—under my #HowToSurviveNarcAbuse tag. Definitely a story for my memoir Crash, Burn, Write as a standalone vignette. ✍️ Can you believe I shared this on FB and it…
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Advocacy, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Identity & Transformation, Memoir Excerpts, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Personal Reflections, Psychology, Self-Reflection, Social Commentary, Society, true stories, Writing -
Justified Anger vs. Mental Instability: A Narcissist’s Favorite Weapon
How Abusers Weaponize the System Against Survivors In 2021, when I was mentally unstable, I became extremely paranoid. Not because my fears were irrational, but because they were based on lived experience. 🚨 My family has weaponized the system against me before. And now that I’ve taken my advocacy to an even bigger public stage,…
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Advocacy, Culture & Society, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Intuition & Intelligence, life lessons, Mercurial Minds, Neurodivergence, Personal Anecdotes, Personal Essays/Autobiography, Politics, Psychology, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, Society, true storiesaccountability, Breaking the Cycle, Crash, Burn, Write., emotional abuse, enablers, false narratives, family scapegoat, flying monkeys, gaslighting, how to survive narc abuse, justified anger, Last Fck Given, legal manipulation, mental instability, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic parents, narcissistic rage, psychological abuse, reclaim your voice, smear campaigns, stop narcissistic abuse, system abuse, Totally Surreal Blog, toxic family, toxic relationships, trauma survivor, wellness check abuse, What the Actual Fck -
Behold the Field: An Email to the Maternal Unit
Subject: Behold the Field… 😘 Dear Mother, You’ve done me a great favour. Never say that I was ungrateful—after all, you handed me the keys to my own liberation from your psychological oppression. And you certainly can never say I didn’t give back as good as I got. All’s fair in love and war. 🥰…
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Advocacy, Change and Transformation, Crash, Burn, Write., Culture & Society, Feminism, Grief & Healing, Human Behaviour, Humour, Identity & Transformation, memoir, Memoir Excerpts, Mercurial Minds, Milestones, Modern Identity, Neurodivergence, Politics, Pop Culture, Psychology, Relationships, Self Awareness, Social Commentary, Social Media, Spirituality & Faith, Writingaccountability, breaking cycles, breaking the silence, Crash, Burn, Write., emotional abuse, gaslighting, Healing Journey, how to survive narc abuse, Last Fck Given, narcissistic abuse recovery, psychological abuse, reclaim your voice, speak your truth, stop narc abuse, survivor strong, thinking machine, Totally Surreal Blog, toxic family, trauma survivor, What the Actual Fck
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